Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Thomas Mougard is under investigation!

Who? No, I've never heard of him either. Mr Mougard is/was an assistant to the legendary rogue Jerome Kerviel. He has now been placed under formal investigation for crimes against data entry.

I have been speaking to Maurice Marble III - my adviser on all matters scientific - and he told me, 'Yeah, this Tom character has been accused of complicity to enter data fraudulently into a computer system. Not exactly Charles Manson, is he? But never mind, I suppose some people consider it a serious crime. I personally think he was a fool to enter this data using the traditional method, you know, his fingers. Too easily traceable. He should have used his mind! Yeah, bear with me. He could have transferred all the data from his mind to the computer using a new technique I have developed called Mind-Computer Telepathy. Not a great name, granted. I'll probably have to come up with something more catchy than that. But it works! Oh boy, does it work. Last night I transferred the complete works of William Shakespeare from my mind to my laptop. A lot of people don't believe me when I tell them I know Shakespeare off by heart. But I do. I love old Shakey. But I digress. I did this transfer, and it worked like a charm. Unfortunately, I have an awful headache now. I've been taking so many painkillers I'm worried I might overdose. There's blood coming out of my nose, and my feet itch, and I hear this buzzing …'

I couldn't listen to any more. He doesn't change, does he?