Monday, 17 November 2008

Vikram Pandit: the speech

Friends, bankers, shamans and mystics, I want to reach out to you today. I want to touch something deep inside you, and change all your lives. Firstly, I want you to know that we have plentiful capital and abundant liquidity, and our revenue is strong. But there is something else. There is another world, and there is another way. The way of the shaman in the desert. As you all know, I sold the church of my love, but I am building a temple of love now. Yes, a temple of love! And I am building that temple in the desert. The Master, the beautiful one, Michael Fowke himself, led me into the desert, and he showed me the way. He burnt me with money. Oh yes, my children, I was burnt with the holy money, and I loved it. The priestess was there as well, and she smiled at me. Big Herb was there, and he gave me his blessing. Ganesh the elephant god was there, and he kissed me. The ghosts of the dead financiers were there, and they danced around me. Never have I felt so happy to be alive. And so, my children, I will build the new temple of my love, and we shall all live in it. Either on the physical plane or on the astral plane, you will burn with the love of money in this temple, and you will be blessed.

I can see in your sad little faces that some of you are depressed about the New Depression. O my children, have you been crunched? My children, there is no crunching in the desert. That's why you must have faith. You must believe. There is love in the desert. Are you all so blind?

Why is there no mention of the desert in the mainstream media? They are fools! And unbelievers! Jack Pickles has them! He owns them!

O my children, I have seen the light. The light that shines in the Great Michael, the Big Herb, and the wondrous elephant Ganesh! The light is everywhere around you, but you must open your eyes. Open them, and see!

A great burning is coming! The credit crunch will be cleansed with fire! The unbelievers will be thrown into the pit!

Believe, my children. Keep the faith.