[No. 21] What can "I" say, feel, think?

And it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[3], and

And it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[3], and

And it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[1], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to do, and there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to feel, and there's nothing to think[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[2], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to see, and there's nothing to look at, gawp at, and there's just nowhere to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to believe, and there's nothing to prove, and it's a sort of freedom, really[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to reveal, and there's nothing to explain, and there's no actual reason to hide[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to know, and there's nothing to find out, and it's surely a massive relief[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to gain, and, yeah, great, it's rather appealing[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to be amused by, and so it gets rid of the arseholes, and that's something to be grateful for[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear, and there's nothing to fear[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to work towards, nothing to slave for, no need to be a monkeyworm[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to learn, and there's nothing to remember, and, yeah, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs, and fuck the ETFs[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts, and fuck the charts[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing ... and fuck the news, and fuck the news, and fuck the news[3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to live for, and there's nothing to die for, happy, happy, happy times![3], and it's round and round, and there's nothing to ... and don't forget: this is free, it's open, it's the truth[3], and

Larry Zhang and Kurt Baker have had enough of all that JT Capital hedge fund nonsense

Some sort of bizarre Greater China Long-Short fund, apparently. Larry and Kurt are the managers but they're handing it over to Danny Tao at Harvest Alternative Investments. The official reason is that they couldn't get all the dollars they wanted. (Investors are bastards. We all know that.) However, I know (you don't, you will) they're just sick of finance and want to do something else with their lives. I don't blame them. / And it's not what it was, anyway. (Finance? They couldn't get the dollars!) There's more money in writing pop songs these days. Actually, there's more money in selling matches at the end of the street. Honestly, there's more money in blogging. / If I were Larry or Kurt, I'd forget all about money. Unfortunately, I'm me, so I won't be forgetting about it anytime soon. / I'll always be me. And I'll never forget all about money. It's in my blood. It's in my fire. I'm a financial shaman. You know this.

_________________________

I'll be doing another conceptual after lunch, No. 21. Then I'm taking a week off. I'll be back on June 11 (probably).

[No. 20] I'm pushing it so hard

And I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[2], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[1], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[3], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[3], and

And I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[2], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[1], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[3], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[3], and

And I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[2], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[1], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[1], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and the world will break before I do, and I'm working it in the night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[2], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I can keep going, yeah, show a bit of spirit, or I can stop and start crying[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and God will not judge anyone, so I'll have to judge myself[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll take the blood and fire, yes, and any GLORY that's available[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's really more than money, for me, and it's more than a mundane life[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and no one has the guts, no, no one has the balls, and there's just NO ONE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I've gotta be strong because a weak soul won't last five minutes in this night[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's gonna be hours, millions?, I think it'll be eternity![3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'll fight any demons stupid enough to come out TONIGHT[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and there's a slice of moon, and I need it, oh it's a great comfort[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing EVERYTHING[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and nothing is hidden, and I've got to stretch my s o u l[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I'm looking in MYSELF, and I'm outside EVERYWHERE[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, my body doesn't matter, I don't feel it: I am free, so free, so free[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, well, it's all instinct, but it's more than animal, and not human, and so?[3], and I'm pushing it so hard - will I ever get it back?, maybe I'll ... I'll never force it out again[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and it's not me, and it can't be me, and I can't be the old ME like this[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, a crazy light STAR, a burning sun, so far away, and real close too[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and waiting for the morning to come, with eyes open, and heart open, and mind open[3], and I'm pushing it so hard, and I hope it lasts, and I hope it spreads, and I just ... HOPE[3], and

[No. 19] That dead shark, the FSA, just decides to ban and fine hedge fund CEO Alberto Micalizzi

And when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[1], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[1], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[1], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[1], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[1], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[1], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[2], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[3], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![2], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[2], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![3], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[3], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[2], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[2], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[2], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[3], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[3], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[3], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[2], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[2], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[3], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[3], and

And when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[1], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[1], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[1], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[1], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[1], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[1], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[2], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[3], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![2], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[2], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![3], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[3], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[2], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[2], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[2], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[3], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[3], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[3], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[2], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[2], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[3], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[3], and

And when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[1], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[1], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[1], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[1], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[1], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[1], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[1], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[2], and round and round, we go, yes, and the dead shark goes round and round, and round and round, we go, Christ, and the dead shark goes round and round, hell, and we go round and round[3], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![2], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[2], and when a dead shark looks you in the eye, oh, you know you're in trouble, oh yes indeed, and when a dead shark bites you, oh, you know you've been bitten, aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh![3], and one day there'll be no pain (not even the pain of the lonely ones), and Alberto will be happy, and I'll be happy, and everyone will be happy, and the dead shark?[3], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[2], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[2], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[2], and poor Alberto has been banned from performing ANY role in regulated financial services because he ain't fit (no, he ain't fit, but my gosh don't he just know it), and he ain't proper[3], and poor Alberto didn't even abuse the market, and can you make any sense out of it?, and this is what happens when a dead shark refuses to face reality[3], and poor Alberto was the chief executive of Dynamic Decisions Capital Management, and now he wanders the streets, and now he knows the pain of the lonely ones[3], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[2], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[2], and what did Dylan sing?: 'To live outside the law you must be honest', oh, and it makes a lot more sense than: 'I am the walrus', and I feel like singing, and I'll sing until the end[3], and a dead shark, and some bond, and NOT a kosher financial instrument, and Alberto was aware?!, and bond contracts, and I don't know, and I just don't know[3], and

Old fuddy duddy Philippa Gee says: 'Enough is enough!'

I said that myself the other day when loads of spiders were trying to get into my bedroom, but this old fuddy duddy is going on about sales reps from fund management companies being all rude and that and not knowing anything. It's very annoying. I'm afraid I have to take my hat off to these reps if they truly don't know anything about finance because who in their right mind would want to know anything about finance? / The sun is shining, for Christ's sake! You only have one life. Get out there in the sunshine!

I was out in the sunshine yesterday, but I won't be today. (I went to Chiswick. It's amazing how many fit birds come out when the sun's shining. Have you noticed that, dear reader? It's their hormones, I suppose. I'm no scientist, but it has to be their hormones.) I've got a big conceptual to do after lunch, No. 19. I'll probably do No. 20 tomorrow because I want to get to twenty before I take my summer holiday - even though I'm not going anywhere.

I'm listening to Neil Young. Songs like Revolution Blues, Ambulance Blues, Cortez The Killer. Great stuff. Not like the pop hits I'm trying to write, but great for listening to. I wonder what that old fuddy duddy listens to. Probably Barry Manilow.

I wish I could go to Cornwall, and stay there. I've had enough of this craphole. I will get out eventually. Get rich or die tryin'. If 50 Cent can go from being a crack dealer to whatever he is now with hundreds of millions of dollars, I can certainly make £20 million or so from my songs (in the first five to ten years). I've got to be more disciplined. I've got to stop f**king around. (I blanked those letters out for Philippa. She might read this. I don't want to upset her.) Let me have my holiday, then I'll get my s**t together.

I'm listening to Brian Eno's Apollo again

Yes, I’m listening to Brian Eno's Apollo again - because it's that time in the night/morning. I won't get to sleep until about five BECAUSE I don't want to sleep ... now. It's nothing more complicated than that. I don't want to sleep. Not until later/earlier.

My bohemian nightmare actually makes sense when I'm wide awake at a time when most people are asleep. Of course, I'll be fighting off ghosts at four or so. (So I'll wait till five.) They don't scare me no more. Ghosts? I shit 'em. Sleep paralysis? Do me a favour!

There are so many stars and planets and that. Obviously, I won't be writing about ETFs. / When I die, I'm hoping my soul/consciousness will just fly off into outer space. It's the only way to travel. You don't need rockets when you're dead. You can just pick a place and go there - in a second. That's what I reckon. The ghosts? The ghosts are the ones who were thinking about ETFs while they were alive. Or they could have been thinking about cars, or beer, or their favourite TV programmes. Things that held them back, yeah? Nothing's going to hold me back. Nothing.

_________________________

A big spider got in the other night. I said to myself: 'I'm gonna need a bigger lemon.'

_________________________

If you were negative about everything even when you had no reason to be but then changed to being positive about everything even when you had no reason to be, what would happen?

[No. 18] If you don't get it

And if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[1], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[2], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[3], and

And if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[1], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[2], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[3], and

And if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[1], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[2], and if you don't get it, you can get to FUCK[3], and

Is Clay Lifflander leaving Millbrook Capital Management?

How the hell should I know? I don't even know who Clay Lifflander is! I can tell you that Millbrook Capital is closing its hedge fund. It's going to be some kind of crazy ass family office now for John Dyson.

No, I don't know who Mr Dyson is. / Jesus H. Christ! Am I supposed to know everything? Oh sorry, I didn't realize. I had no idea that I was supposed to be this visionary poet/shaman in touch with the whole goddamn cosmos, changing the nature of literature forever (yeah, only doing that), and a freakin' songwriter like Bacharach/David or Lennon/McCartney (give me time, I need more time!), and an expert on finance as well.

Try to understand: I want to change their consciousness ness nesses - that's all! These bankers, these hedgies, I don't give a fuck what they're doing, man. ETFs? I don't know what ETFs are, and I don't give a shit! My business is saving souls.

[No. 17] Transcendence

And if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[1], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[1], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![1], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![1], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![1], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![1], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[1], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[1], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![2], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[2], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[2], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[2], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![2], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![2], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![2], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![2], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[3], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[3], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![3], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![3], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![3], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![3], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[3], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[3], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[3], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![3], and

And if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[1], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[1], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![1], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![1], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![1], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![1], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[1], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[1], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![2], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[2], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[2], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[2], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![2], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![2], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![2], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![2], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[3], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[3], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![3], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![3], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![3], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![3], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[3], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[3], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[3], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![3], and

And if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[1], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[1], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![1], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![1], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![1], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![1], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[1], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[1], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![1], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![2], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[2], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[2], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[2], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![2], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![2], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![2], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![2], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[2], and if I keep going, I'll never come back, and if I keep believing, I'll never believe again, and if I keep saying I'm free, (what do you think?!) I will become free, yes[3], and it gets higher and higher, and it gets further and further, oh, and I get deeper and deeper, and I get lighter and lighter, and I'll be having a good time, I'll be having a good time, a real good time[3], and I don't care what they say, and I don't care what they do, AND: and they're not with me round and round (good!), and they're not with me round and round (great!), and they're not with me round and round!!!, no, slaves, no!!![3], and I'm gonna make myself sick, 'Oh, I'm sure you couldn't be any sicker!', and I'm gonna spin my head off to the stars, and I'm gonna wear that fucking moon as a fucking hat![3], and it's a killer when you're gone, and the mystics know it's a killer when you're free, and there ain't no words, and so there ain't no thoughts, and that's why I'm hungry for this, and I want more, more, more![3], and I'll keep going, and I'll keep spinning it, and I'm gonna lose the sense of it, and I'm gonna burn any senses I have, and I'm gonna be happy, and it's gonna be ORGASMIC!!![3], and it's a killer when you're so sick, and I'll be spinning my head with a big moon hat, and I'm hungry for the stars, and I'm getting higher and higher, and I'll keep saying I'm free[3], and I'll keep believing I'm losing my senses, and man it's getting deeper and deeper, and if there are any words: they ain't got nothing to do with me, and if there are any thoughts: I ain't thinking them, no, no, no[3], and it's a killer when it's all soft, when it's all mush, and you're sailing away (ah), and you're flying off (oh), and you don't care about holding on because you ain't scared, you ain't anything at all, you fool[3], and I'm saying it, uh, and I'm hearing it, uh, and I'm believing it / and I'm going round, oh yeah oh, I'm going round / and if it ain't three, what is it? / and if I ain't super ... cr,cr,crazy, I must be supersane, yes, yes, yes?![3], and

My head's all over the place

I can't concentrate on finance, man. How do the squares do it, day after day after day? There's a massive universe out there, and they're writing about ETFs and shit. It makes you think, doesn't it?

Let me tell you something: writing a simple song lyric is as hard as nuclear physics. I mean, a lyric that works, that has reality, you dig? That's why it's not fair that Hal David is often considered Burt Bacharach's junior partner. And it's why I'm so incredibly pissed off at the moment. I have one complete great song - which is no use to anyone by itself. And I have a wonderful piece of music with no lyric, just a fucking title. This isn't a laughing matter. I need to get myself out of the shit, soon. And I'm not going to get a job in a bank, am I? Not that banks pay any more. A hedge fund, then. I'm not going to get a job in a hedge fund, am I? I'm a shaman. Pure. Aloof. Superior. You understand, don't you, dear reader(s)?

I've been squeezing a lemon all over my window sill. Any spiders who want to get in now will have to run the gauntlet of lemon. Enough is enough! I'm playing hardball with these bastards.

I should be out in the fucking sunshine, enjoying life while I'm still reasonably young. But I'm writing this! Later on, after lunch, I'll be doing a conceptual, No. 17. There's no rest for the wicked. / One day, I'll get what I want.

I'll be taking a week off soon, the week after next. I'm not going anywhere though, like my beloved Cornwall. One summer I'll go for six weeks or more, after my ship has come in, just travel around. I once went for eight weeks in winter, between Polperro and Looe. St Ives is my favourite place. I love the beaches there. It's a shame I can't surf (or swim). 'Mikey don't surf!' I could do a Bodhi. 'We'll get him when he comes back in.' He's not coming back.

Is Man Group buying FRM Holdings?

I suppose it is. I don't know. I can't see this as the solution to Man's problems. Adding $8 billion to the assets is very nice, but it's no good without the mysticism. Man needs to listen to its GLG shamans. And AHL was never going to work. Computers? For Christ's sake! We need humans. WE NEED FLESH AND BLOOD AND: FIRE!!! Why is that so difficult for some people to understand?

I didn't have another go at those lyrics last night. I was worn out after my Bono post. But I'll try again this afternoon. My song is about a sunny day, and guess what: IT'S A SUNNY DAY!!! This is perfect! So I gotta finish it now.

[No. 16] Bono and his Elevation Partners have made billions of dollars from Facebook

And probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![1], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[1], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[1], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[1], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[1], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![2], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[1], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![1], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[1], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[2], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[3], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[2], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[2], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![2], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[2], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[3], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![3], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[3], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[3], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[3], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[3], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[3], and

And probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![1], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[1], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[1], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[1], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[1], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![2], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[1], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![1], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[1], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[2], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[3], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[2], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[2], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![2], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[2], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[3], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![3], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[3], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[3], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[3], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[3], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[3], and

And probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![1], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[1], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[1], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[1], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[1], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[1], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![2], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[1], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![1], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[1], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[1], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[2], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[2], and Bono will have to share it with his friends, or maybe he'll keep it all to himself, and I reckon he'll buy a guitar or two, or three, encrusted with diamonds, maybe[3], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[2], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[2], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![2], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[2], and probably billions of pounds as well, and it must be hard to count it all, and it's a hard knock life, and what are friends for?, and I'm ever so lonely, and poor[3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[2], and Kathy is absolutely lovely, and I would give all the money to her, and she deserves it, I'm sure, and why should that ugly git Bono get all the money?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[2], and Fred Anderson, and Roger McNamee, and Avie Tevanian, and Bret Pearlman, and Sherwin Chen, and Adam Hopkins, and a few others, and they're rolling it but not in desert sand, no[3], and Elevation Partners is a leading private equity firm focused on large-scale investments in media, and entertainment, and technology - businesses![3], and are they friends on Facebook?, and Ted Meisel, and Rami Reyes, and Steve Vafier, and I hope the admin lot are getting something out of it, and Bob?[3], and Elevation Partners has nearly $1.9 billion in committed capital - and it's got to be committed, in this day and age, and it would be a crime if it were not committed, not twenty![3], and Bono and his friends invest in innovative companies capitalizing on technology d i s r u p t i o n that are positioned for rapid growth and market leadership[3], and let's not forget the admin girls (and Bob): Tracy Hogan, and Sonia Shulman, and Kathy Cabral, and Maia Cybelle Carpenter, and Fran Mottie, and Taryn Ricker, yeah, and Bob[3], and they invested a couple of dollars, no more than ten, and they got $20 billion dollars back, I think, and I guess, and I know: that's the way to do business[3], and Bono needs the money to buy more sunglasses, oh, and he's been in the desert, physical, but astral?, BUT I've banned all that, anyway, so what are the shades for?[3], and God's country, and desert sky, and I remember the woman who wrote them down for me, but we didn't punch a hole right through the night, unfortunately[3], and

This is it, for now

I'll be writing about Bono later and his billions of pounds, No. 16. At the moment though, I'm just writing this, which isn't really anything.

My guitar playing is improving. I'm going to have another go at those lyrics tonight. If you want to make it as a professional songwriter, I mean, really make it, you've got to write songs that are better than any particular artist can write for his or her self. Also, better than their producer can write or anyone they know. That's why I’m taking my time. I'm not interested in writing album tracks or what used to be called B-sides. I'm not even interested in writing run-of-the-mill hits. They've got to be classics, songs that will be listened to for decades. I'm close to having two such songs.

I might delete all this music-related stuff at some point. It's okay - for now. I'm pretty relaxed about it. If I'm going to be writing this blog for the next thirty or forty years (it's down to God, He has the final say) I can make changes and edit at any time, depending on what direction I want to go in.

My conceptual literature has given me new enthusiasm. (I nearly gave the game up a couple of months ago.) It's everything I've been looking for. (It's taken me five years to reach this point - not including the many years of half-hearted conventional writing before I turned to blogging.) It's new. It's mine. It's perfectly suited to the blog form. It couldn't be done with the printing press. It can't be mistaken for anything from the past. And, this is important: I feel it allows me to transcend the subject matter and capture something that is truly beyond while at the same time showing all the chaos, despair, and insanity of the world (outer) and of myself (inner). / Obviously, I need more intensity, and more vision. Man, I need greater phrases. / Oh, years and years of hard work ahead of me!

But that is it, for now.

Laters.

[No. 15] Deja Vu

And I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[1], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[1], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[1], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[1], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[2], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[1], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[1], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[1], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[1], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[1], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[1], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![1], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[1], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[1], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[1], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[2], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[2], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[2], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[2], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[2], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[2], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[2], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[2], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[2], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[3], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[3], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[3], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[3], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[3], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[3], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[3], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![3], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[3], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[3], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[3], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[3], and

And I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[1], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[1], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[1], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[1], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[2], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[1], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[1], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[1], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[1], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[1], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[1], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![1], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[1], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[1], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[1], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[2], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[2], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[2], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[2], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[2], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[2], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[2], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[2], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[2], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[3], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[3], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[3], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[3], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[3], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[3], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[3], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![3], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[3], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[3], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[3], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[3], and

And I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[1], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[1], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[1], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[1], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[2], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[1], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[1], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[1], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[1], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[1], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[1], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![1], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[1], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[1], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[1], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[1], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[2], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[2], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[2], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[2], and I seem to remember, and I want to forget, and I seem to remember, and it was such a long time ago[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[2], and that is where we must build our empires, our empires of the mind, a financial paradise beyond this vale of tears[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[2], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[2], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[2], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[2], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[2], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[2], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![2], and boom and bust are the ways of life, and we boom here, and we bust there, but life goes on, yes, life goes on[3], and what does it take to satisfy you?, and here we go, dancing close to the death that will come upon us if we lose our grip on reality[3], and their business is you, and you are like them, and they are lonely, so lost in space, and it's not a marketing promise, they really do love you[3], and we will focus on the highest level where love is able to burn us beyond our wildest fantasies[3], and on earth they were known for their ruthlessness, and their stubbornness, even their perversity, and death has not improved them one little bit[3], and there is a time to model portfolios using industry-leading risk engine software, and there is a time to die, and time passes so quickly[3], and I am talking about a storm in the desert: a crashing of news stories against your mind as you try to survive, and can you block them out?[3], and you are a desert child, but, and you could be a great one, BUT you must shake off the spirit of pessimism that hangs around you like an evil fog![3], and when you wake, drenched in sweat, and go to the sands, and stare at the pale moon, do you shiver?[3], and I remember, the way of the shaman in the desert, and the way of love in the fire, and the way of money in our hearts[3], and can you not feel the love that rises from the sand and swirls in the wind and gets into your eyes?[3], and we'll play in the sand, beneath the moon, and we are timeless, ageless, untouchable, and full of wisdom[3], and that's what it will be, an eternity, endless years rolling in the sand, and tears in our eyes, happy tears, and big smiles[3], and grinning in the sky, and spinning around the moon, and twisting beyond the sun, and splattering against the stars, and merging into the cosmos[3], and