Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Who in the name of Christ is Hugh Grootenhuis?!

Why do you guys get so upset? 'Ha!' There's nothing to worry about. Hugh Grootenhuis is merely a finance sort who has stepped down as the chief executive of Waverton Investment Management. 'Great!' What, Voice? 'It's great that our Hugh has stepped down.' Our Hugh? Listen, man, he's staying on as a consultant, you know. 'So? I doubt he'll be doing much "work" now, will he? He'll be able to get a-ROUND and ... well, anything he likes.' Anything he likes? Hugh is going to be playing the guitar in his spare time. 'Oh, right.' But I said to him ... Hugh, mate, you don't wanna be no consultant. Concentrate on your guitar! Sure, you're very good on rhythm, but your lead playing absolutely stinks. You need to put some serious time in, son. 'Ha! / And what did he say?' Just some shit about how it's hard to break away from finance after devoting his whole life to it. I said ... Hugh, man, rock and roll shamanism is the future. Forget finance! You want a new life, boy. 'And is he a financial shaman then?' He's dabbled a bit, Voice. Nothing serious though. I'm just concerned that ... that ... that's how it's going to be with his guitar playing, you dig? 'I dig. I really dig. So deep! You reckon he's got to make a full commitment, yeah?' Yes. I'll probably have another word with him.

By the way, dear reader(s), I've never heard of Waverton Investment Management before, have you? 'I bet they have.' Let them answer! / ... / ... / ... / ... / ... / 'Nothing, Mikey!' Never mind. For those who don't know and may not even care ... WAVERTON IS A DISCRETIONARY INVESTMENT MANAGEMENT BOUTIQUE DEDICATED TO PROVIDING HIGH QUALITY INVESTMENT OUTCOMES AND PERSONALISED CLIENT SERVICE FOR PRIVATE INDIVIDUALS, TRUSTS, CHARITIES, AND INSTITUTIONS. 'Jesus, boss! What the fuck is the deal with the capitals?!?! You're giving me a headache, man.' Voice, you don't have a head, you little idiot! The capitals are from Waverton's website. I couldn't be bothered to change them. 'Isn't there a function for that?' Function? I don't know. I'm not a computer expert. I fucking hate computers! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!! 'All right, all right. That's enough.' No, no, no, I can't say it enough ...with capitals!

Er, er ... oh yeah! Er, Andrew Fleming is taking over as the new chief executive of Waverton. 'Ha!' [It's not funny.] He used to be the boss of Kames Capital. I can only wish him the best of luck.


Anything else? No. / Well, there's my lunch, if you're interested, reader(s). Cheese and pickle sandwich.