Monday, 9 September 2019

Neil Woodford has sold a major chunk ...

... of, uh ... pineapple?! 'Ha!' Well, I don't know. Let's find out, kook(s)!

Yesterday, it was announced that Neil Woodford has sold a major chunk of his stake in the struggling doorstep lender Non-Standard Finance. It has been reported that Woodford sold around 19% of the firm to a fund run by Alchemy Partners. After the ill-fated merger with Provident, what does this deal mean for Non-Standard Finance and their borrowers?

Okay, okay. / Yes, yes, it's a PR email. And, no, no, it wasn't yesterday, no. I received the email last Thursday, so, uh ... yesterday was actually well, last Wednesday, and so ... you probably know all about the story now, dear reader(s), being so ... ***HOWEVER(!)*** ... what you won't have yet ... because I haven't given it to you, yet ... is my, er, expert commentary and analysis. 'Ha!' Shut up, Voice! Please! 'Boss!' What? 'Why didn't you write this post last week?' BECAUSE(!) ... I don't know, man. 'Oh.' Maybe I had finished my blogging for the week and I was playing my guitar. The email might have come while I was working on the last post. 'Right.' It doesn't matter, does it? I don't owe anyone an explanation. 'Oh, okay.' Christ! Leave me alone!

NOW(!), anyway ... what does Dr Roger say? 'Dr Robert?!' Open your ears, idiot! I said Dr Roger. 'I ain't got no ears, boss!' Well, maybe you should see a doctor then.

Okay, okay ... I really like this guy, an awful lot. Day or night, he's available for a comment, like this - 'He does everything he can!' Yes! Of course he does!

Executive Chairman of FairMoney, Dr Roger Gewolb, provides the following commentary:

"This deal is a positive one that will give borrowers security over the future of their finances and future lending. Alchemy has been a successful revivor of distressed companies and Non-Standard Finance is hugely undervalued as it is still reeling from the ill-judged attempts to take over Provident. I have long been a critic of the NSF/Provident deal and am pleased for consumers and borrowers that Alchemy is providing some stability in this situation."

No one can succeed like Dr Roger.

"As I said at the time, the typical doorstep lending transaction is for around £500. The £30 million or so in fees and expenses that were due to be payable by Provvy and NSF to fight the battle which NSF started could have funded some 60,000 borrowers on challenging financial ground who need help."

He helps you to understand.

"Provident and NSF each had opportunities (and threats) to act which left the borrowers vulnerable and in unstable financial positions. Evitably, they do not have the same luxury as people like Neil Woodford, but now, they have been released from a heightened and what seemed like an indefinite period of insecurity."

Do, you, you, YOU(!) ... understand, kook(s)? Oh, I hope so.

Well, well ... / That's it! What else? 'Where's your, er ...' What?! 'Your commentary and analysis. Dr Roger has done his bit.' Ha! Are you serious, Voice? 'Well, you said -' Don't worry about what I say. Watch what I do. 'Okay. You're typing on your laptop.' Yes, I am. Keep talking. 'I'm lost for words!' Jesus.

I can't get the staff.


Anything else? Hell Week? Yeah, yeah, I'm doing it now. Big time. An artistic version. I won't drown, BUT(!) ... oh, maybe I will, you know, in words and music, like.

Listen! I'm thinking I'm ready to record my new demo. I've got the songs. I've got the performance skills. What I don't have is ... peace and quiet, man, because my street is full of noisy bastards.

Yes, yes, regular readers will know that my street has always been full of noisy bastards, but they seem to be getting worse. Some of them are genuine cretins. I wouldn't mind if they were simply going about their business like civilized human beings. The problem is, they screech, and howl, and bang things - at all hours!

I suppose I could go to a rehearsal studio to record. I'm not sure how quiet they are though. They're not meant for recording, really. 'Go to a proper recording studio, boss.' Oh, you're back! I can't, Voice. 'Why not?' I would need an electro acoustic, for one thing. Also, I want to take my time, and do things my way. / I'll have to do it at home. I'll have to ... find a way!

Later(s), blog and pop fan(s)!