Tuesday, 3 September 2019

We don't want no addresses no more!

Er, well, I do, because I'm not a revolutionary, [ha!], but ... our Jinksy has gone crazy. He's like Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. Power has gone straight to his head. 'What power, boss?' Oh, hello, Voice. Our Jinksy controls all the parcels in the country, I think. 'Did he tell you that?!' I just presumed it. I mean, it's the way he talks. He's very convincing. 'Full of himself.' Ha!

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), I'm doing parcels again BECAUSE(!) ... I ain't got no finance PR emails, you dig? Don't blame me! 'Don't blame him, kooks!' They better not, man.

Anyway ...

The parcel price comparison site ParcelHero is calling for the end of 18th Century addresses and the post code lottery. It says the number's up for house names and post codes.

I told you!

There is a terrace house in London that is undoubtedly the most famous address in the country. But how is its location best identified? By its road name and number: 10 Downing Street? By its postcode: SW12 2AA? In years to come the international delivery expert ParcelHero says we should be using the more accurate Plus code: GV3C+8X. Or even three little words: slurs.this.shark.

Oh my God! 'Jinksy's lost it, boss! Oh, heavenly powers, restore him!' What on earth does he mean by "slurs this shark"?!

Whether you are addressing a parcel in ten years' time, or finding a house by sat nav, ParcelHero says it should not be by using outmoded house names and numbers, or even post codes. Says David Jinks MILT, Head of Consumer Research for ParcelHero: "It's time to end the use of ancient methods of ensuring parcels are delivered or locations found. Street numbers were introduced in Britain in the 1700s. We've had 300 years to get the system right; yet even today there are many homes that don't have a street number in rural areas. Many isolated houses are still identified by their name, just as they would have been several hundred years ago. That's not a great system for hard-pressed couriers trying to deliver packages."

Christ! Who cares about the couriers?! I'll tell you, dear reader(s), there was one guy who couldn't find my house with a sat nav. He went to the next street!

Adds David: "And if you have ever punched in a post code to a sat nav, you will know it's a literal post code lottery whether you actually end up at the right destination. Simple postcodes were introduced in London as far back as 1850, and modern postcodes were first phased in sixty years ago - though it took until 1974 to finish the project. And they are equally far from infallible: over 40 addresses can share the same postcode in some areas. And while the Royal Mail and Ordnance Survey systems are entirely integrated, not all Satellite Navigation devices and Internet mapping services use Ordnance Survey’s mapping and data. That means many homeowners have grown sick of their packages and letters being continually delivered to the wrong house, and visitors failing to find them."

No, no, no. That's not the problem. The guy who took my parcel to the other street was some kind of idiot. Seriously!

David says technologies already exist that ...

Okay, okay. That's enough! I don't want to hear about drunken sharks slurring their words.


Anything else? Politics? Keir Starmer needs to take over as leader of the Labour Party. That's what I reckon. I mean, we might have a general election soon.

Music? Spider exercise? Oh, I should have been doing it years ago, man. I would have made a lot more progress. It's not just for lead guitar playing, you know - which I'm not bothered with at the moment. It strengthens your hand for rhythm playing, too. Never mind. You live and learn, don't you?