Monday, 4 October 2021

'How old is this PR email, boss?!'

Yeah, yeah.

Right, let me explain. I was going to do this email last week, but, uh ... I got distracted by something. I can't remember what. 'Yeah. But this email is nearly two weeks old, boss. Two weeks tomorrow!' So? 'Well, haven't you got any recent emails?' I've got loads, Voice. I'll look at them tomorrow. But I'm doing this one now because I don't want to let Bilal down. 'Oh, okay.'

Come on!

Hello, good morning,

Fintech business MarketFinance has raised £280m in debt and equity funding as it becomes a Recovery Loan Scheme lender. The full press release is below and Anil Stocker, CEO and co-founder at MarketFinance, is available for interview today and tomorrow. Do you require a photo? Is this one for you?

Er ... 'Anil won't want to talk now.' Ha! Never mind.

21st September 2021, London: Fintech business lender MarketFinance has today announced a £280m debt and equity fundraise and its accreditation under the Recovery Loan Scheme (RLS). This comes after MarketFinance became one of the first fintechs to be accredited under The Thing Business Interruption Loan Scheme (TBILS), having lent £250m to companies across the UK.

Er, yeah, okay.

Launched by the British Business Bank in April 2021, the Recovery Loan Scheme supports access to finance for UK businesses as they recover and grow following The Thing. Funding from the Scheme can be used for any legitimate business purpose including managing cashflow, investment in new equipment and preparing for future growth. It is designed to appeal to businesses that can afford to take out additional finance for these purposes.

Okay, well ... this is old news really, isn't it? 'That's your fault.'

I'll tell you what, Voice, kook(s), let's go straight to the Anil voice, and see what he's got to say for himself -

Anil Stocker, CEO at MarketFinance, comments: "This funding and our accreditation as a Recovery Loan Scheme lender is testament to the brilliant work everyone at MarketFinance has done to serve UK businesses during a difficult period. Adapting to the increased demand from businesses looking for finance online instead of through traditional avenues also drove our profitability this year, which has continued into H2 2021."

Wow! That voice has been travelling towards us for nearly two weeks, and here it is, or rather ... there it just was. 'Amazing!'


Anil Stocker adds: "Businesses have been resilient and managed to hold their nerve during one of the most difficult periods in recent history. We were there to help with the TBILS and will do the same with the RLS by offering a simple application process, quick decisions and sending funds to businesses immediately. Our fundraise puts us in pole position to do this. We played a key role during TBILS, as one of the first fintech lenders, to help get funds to businesses quickly when they found their applications were delayed and or denied by others. We will stand shoulder to shoulder with businesses and help navigate them through to the full reopening of the economy and beyond."

Thank you, Anil! 'You're a diamond, son!' Yeah, yeah.


No! There's more!

"We aim to quickly lend to businesses around the UK. We anticipate demand for RLS to come from companies that will need capital to scale operations ahead of the full reopening of the economy. Manufacturers, wholesalers, public services businesses and a range of others will need the funds to ramp up supplies and build pipelines as business returns to normal," adds Anil Stocker.

Yeah, all right. That should have read "adds again", but never mind.



Anything else?

Not really, no. Unless you can think of something, dear reader(s).


No, I'm not writing about that.

Because I don't want to, all right?


'What's happening with your music, boss?' Not much, Voice. I've been getting quite a few melodies lately, but nothing that is suitable for a tenth song in my BIG TEN. 'You've still got two lyrics to write.' Yeah, yeah. 'When are you going to work on them?' I don't know.

I want another big tune. Then I'll write lyrics.

Fresh start?

Listen! I can't do a fresh start, man. I don't have the right mind for it at the moment. Maybe I never will. / I just need some basic discipline, you dig? Push-ups, dumbbells, diet, vocal go go go exercise, guitar spider exercise, bar chord exercise, and general guitar playing and rehearsing - at least ninety minutes a day of that ... until I get my BIG TEN, until I get my demo recorded.

YOU(!) don't know the chaos I'm dealing with! YOU(!) couldn't live like this!

I'm just saying ...

And no more Kronenbourg! It's bad for my voice. 'I love Kronenbourg!' Shut up!