Monday, 19 May 2008

Bob Diamond loses money in shares nightmare!

It has been reported that the boss of Barclays Capital - my dear friend Bob Diamond - has seen the paper value of his recent share purchases fall. They were worth £943,600 when he bought them last August, but £357,350 has been knocked off! He must be upset about this, eh?

Not really. I have been speaking to Bob, and he told me, 'I ain't bothered. I take a philosophical approach now, since knowing you. Money comes, money goes. The important thing is, I can look at myself in the mirror each morning and say: there is a man who knows the value of an expanded consciousness in a chaotic universe. And that's worth something, my friend. Not many bankers in this crazy world can do that. I'm learning, Michael. I'm following the way of the shaman, I'm praying to Big Herb, and - in my more adventurous moments - I am even allowing the mystical burning of money to, you know, do its thing within me. But speak to Johnny Varley, or Johnny Thain, or Vik Pandit - are they doing any of this? Varley? Forget about it! Thain? I'm really not sure. All due respect to him for being a Native American chief in a past life, but what about this life? What has he done lately? And Pandit? Oh dear! He sold the church of his love! Why on earth did Vik do that? So, all things considered, I'm quite a mystical banker, and losing money doesn't bother me because I know it will come back to me. In this world or the next, I will see that money again. You better believe it, baby!'

I wish he wouldn't call me baby.