Michael Geoghegan, group chief executive of HSBC, has been talking about 'projection of the future'. I imagine a lot of you are bewildered by this. Projection of the future? What in the name of Christ is the man going on about? It's a common reaction. Not many people understand him.
But let me explain. No, let Mr Geoghegan himself explain. Why should I do all the work? I phoned Mike late last night and asked him for a statement - a clarification of this projection malarkey. This is what he said: 'Why are you phoning me at this hour? You motherfucking shamans are all the same. Do you know what time I've got to get up in the morning? I run a proper fucking business, not some half-arsed fucking blog, you scumbag motherfucker!'
Oh boy, has he picked a fight with the wrong person. Oh boy oh boy! Now, I can either sort this myself, or - if I'm feeling really evil - I can just pass his name on to Jack Pickles. How the fuck is he going to like that? When Jack turns up on his doorstep with all the demons of hell? Forget about it!
Anyway, that won't happen. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. His secretary phoned me about an hour ago. She said he was mortified when he found out that he had been speaking to Michael Fowke last night. For some reason, he thought it was Keith Busby on the phone. Apparently, he had been on the Scotch, and got us mixed up. Well, I'm not sure about this. Firstly, Keith is a financial psychic, not a shaman. Secondly, Keith's voice is nothing like mine. I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you should be able to tell the difference. Thirdly, Keith doesn't have a blog. Anyway, Mike's secretary reckons he will phone me back sometime today to apologize. I hope so. I hope so. And it better be good.
And this projection stuff? I can't be bothered now.