Friday, 2 May 2008

Paul Idzik is leaving Barclays

Paul Idzik, chief operating officer at Barclays, has decided to leave the bank. Apparently, he has enjoyed a very close relationship with the big boss John Varley, and has been helping Varley in his attempts to overhaul the bank's culture. The word on the street though is that Paul has been getting all emotional lately about the tension between John Varley and Bob Diamond. But let's not get confused over here. We ain't talking about no sexual tension, and Paul ain't jealous - that would be ridiculous. This is about the direction the bank is moving in. Bob Diamond wants to bring a crew of financial shamans and money mystics into the bank, and John Varley wants to take a far more conservative approach, i.e. hire a bunch of stiffs in suits and ties to no doubt replace the stiffs Barclays already employs. Poor Paul has been caught in the middle of this chaos.

I have been speaking to Susan Flint from Bad Moon Investments, and she said, 'He's well out of it. If I were Paul, I would go and live in a cave. He definitely needs to get away, and think about his life. He was obviously torn between John and Bob. Two powerful men fighting for the ownership of his soul. There's Bob, the maverick with a penchant for healing crystals and candles and tarot cards - the change in him has taken everyone by surprise. Then there's John, the leader, a leader of men and women, taking Barclays to greater heights - and yet no spiritual side, no understanding of how investment banks - Bob's domain - have to change in the era of mystical capitalism. No wonder Paul was confused. No wonder he was often found in a toilet cubicle just crying his little eyes out. But he's free now. As free as a bird. I want to see him soar like an eagle - preferably in the desert, you know, with his cave and all.'

I have been speaking to Bob Diamond as well. He said, 'One down, one to go. Barclays will be mine. I can feel it in my water. And then you will see some changes. Boy, will you see some changes. Compulsory meditation sessions for all staff. Crystals strapped to everyone's head. I will bring Keith Busby in to do the soul scans. I don't care how much it costs. I want Keith to check everyone out. And let me tell you, anyone with bad karma, shit chakras or a negative aura will be straight out the fucking door with all their desk junk in a black bin liner. I'm going to be ruthless. I will drag Barclays kicking and screaming and chanting and meditating into the twenty-first century. Watch this space.'