Friday, 13 June 2008

Dick Fuld: where's that gorilla?

What the hell is going on at Lehman Brothers? A $3 billion second-quarter loss, short-sellers like David Einhorn, Joe Gregory no longer the president, Erin Callan no longer the chief financial officer, and still no sign of that gorilla. What gorilla, exactly? Don't play dumb with me. The gorilla that Mr Fuld said was going to hit him. Who is Mr Fuld? For Christ's sake. I know not all my readers are big on banking, but Dick Fuld is the chief executive of Lehman Brothers. Everyone is wondering if he will be able to hang on to his job.

About those italics in the first paragraph. I sometimes hear voices. But it's nothing to worry about. I can't always be on the astral plane and sometimes spirits decide to communicate with me in this manner. It's perfectly harmless, perfectly natural. Anyway, Dick Fuld. I reckon he will survive if he follows my advice.

Dick, mate, this is for you. You've got to get those fucking chakras of yours cleaned up! Have you no shame, man? I wouldn't been seen dead anywhere with chakras like that. And I'm someone who has been seen dead on a number of occasions. Please, Dick, contact Keith Busby. Yes, I know he can be a right wanker at times, but there is no one better at chakra cleansing. He really is the best in the business. Just do it, and your troubles will melt away. Honestly.