Monday, 11 May 2009

Alex Snow: this is the beginning of something pretty extraordinary

Alex Snow, chief executive of Evolution, whispered those words in my tired ear last night while I was sleeping. Floating he was, high as a kite. So, what was this friggin' head case referring to? The Dresdner Kleinwort crew? No. No. No. That's not something you would bother someone with after they had just come to the end of a hard day, their shamanic duties performed, and were off in the land of Nod dreaming the dreams that only the righteous can dream.

O Alex, Alex, speak to us! What did you mean?

O Michael, O Master, O holy man of the desert of my dreams - yes, I dream as well - you know what I meant. I -

Fuck me, this is a voice out of nowhere!

O Master, you called me, so I am here.

But I was only mucking about!

Michael, man, you are very clever. You knew when I whispered those words I was not speaking of the Dresdner Kleinwort schnooks. I was speaking of the delightful weather we've been having lately and how it will lead to our summer of love. We will burn in the desert this summer. Big Herb, Ganesh, the ghosts, Keith, Arthur, Luke, Bobby, the other Bobby, Duncan, and loads of other spaced-out characters. This is our moment. I am convinced we will be able to crunch the crunch, especially if Luke brings that £75 million.

Yeah, Alex, have you heard anything more about the money?

No, Mike, but you know Luke. He likes to keep his cards close to his chest.

Well, as long as he's not backing out. We need that money. And Big Herb is expecting it.

O Master, imagine what Big Herb would do if Luke did a runner with the money! He would tear Luke's chakras out, one by one. He would dissolve his aura. He would throw him into the pit. Yes! Luke in the pit! Wailing. Gnashing his teeth. No more money! No more trips to the desert! No more tripping in the desert! Luke would be destroyed, finished. Never again would he be able to -

All right, Alex, all right. Jesus, man! Have you got something against Luke?

No, Mike, I'm just saying that Big Herb would probably -

Well, that's enough now, okay?

Okay. Sorry.

Jesus! I know you're new to this game, Alex, mate, but you've got to chill a bit sometimes. Forget Luke's chakras, it's your chakras I'm worried about if you're going to carry on like this.

Yeah, sorry, Mike. I better be going.

All right. Stay lucky, eh?