Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Marc Dreier cries out for Jack Pickles

Dear reader, do not continue reading if you are a weak soul, one who is easily corrupted.

From the astral plane in the early hours of this morning:

O Jack, they have got me on securities fraud, conspiracy, wire fraud, and money laundering. What can I do? They are holding me under armed guard in my luxury New York apartment. Is there a way out of this? Jack, I beg you!

O Marc, O swindler of hedge funds, stop snivelling and act like a man! I will not come to save you if you continue to behave in such a manner. I need men of character around me; fearless souls, astral adventurers, warriors of the night - masters of evil who will serve me!

O Master, O dark one, I will serve! Yes, I will serve. But you must come to me now. Fly to me through the astral sky, and whisk me away from New York, from the courts and the people who would judge me. They do not understand. They have no idea that evil can take us close to the source of life, the real life!

O Marc, I will rescue you. Listen to me. This is the plan: yes, I will whisk you away from New York. I will drag your astral body from your physical body, and we will dance together, forever, on the lowest level. But they - the fools of the world - will never know. Let them have your shell. Let them guard it with their guns. Let them lock it away in a prison cell. But your spirit, your soul, your personality, your astral body, shall belong to me.

O Master, O Jack, that is a wonderful plan! How can I ever repay you?

O Marc, you will repay me by serving me without complaint. If I order you to commit unspeakable atrocities, you must obey. Do you agree?

O Master, how long must I remain in your service?

Until the end of time.

O Jack, O lord of the endless night, I agree.