[No. 92] One day, finance will be gone

Just as a bad dream fades in the morning.

And I'm PRAYING for a happy end[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[1], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[2], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[2], and I still have HOPE[1], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[2], and my head is a sewer[1], and I still have HOPE[2], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[1], and my head is a sewer[2], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[1], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[2], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[1], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[2], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[1], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[2], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[1], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[2], and those VISIONS are a curse[1], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[2], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[1], and those VISIONS are a curse[2], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[1], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[2], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[2], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[3], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[3], and I still have HOPE[3], and my head is a sewer[3], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[3], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[3], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[3], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[3], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[3], and those VISIONS are a curse[3], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[3], and

And I'm PRAYING for a happy end[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[1], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[2], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[2], and I still have HOPE[1], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[2], and my head is a sewer[1], and I still have HOPE[2], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[1], and my head is a sewer[2], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[1], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[2], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[1], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[2], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[1], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[2], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[1], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[2], and those VISIONS are a curse[1], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[2], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[1], and those VISIONS are a curse[2], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[1], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[2], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[2], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[3], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[3], and I still have HOPE[3], and my head is a sewer[3], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[3], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[3], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[3], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[3], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[3], and those VISIONS are a curse[3], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[3], and

And I'm PRAYING for a happy end[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[1], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[2], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[1], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[2], and I still have HOPE[1], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[2], and my head is a sewer[1], and I still have HOPE[2], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[1], and my head is a sewer[2], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[1], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[2], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[1], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[2], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[1], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[2], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[1], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[2], and those VISIONS are a curse[1], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[2], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[1], and those VISIONS are a curse[2], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[1], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[2], and I'm PRAYING for a happy end[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[2], and the SOULS - yes, they are souls - who work hard and suffer ... and the CLOWNS - yes, they are clowns - who take it so seriously ... they'll be gone too[3], and ... well, in my head at least, and that's all I can say, and it's all I can hope for[3], and I still have HOPE[3], and my head is a sewer[3], and my head is going to be a nice place to live - once I've cleared out all the SHIT[3], and I'm going to make the clowns pay for fucking with my head, and I never wanted their world[3], and my SOUL hasn't been touched, thank Christ - and I am a soul in their mess[3], and it's a sickening sight: a degenerate, soulless clown laughing, oh, genuinely enjoying life[3], and I don't have to close my eyes a-ROUND here, thank GOD[3], and those VISIONS are a curse[3], and even Dennis Wheatley - if he were alive - would baulk at writing about the sort of characters I have to write about[3], and ONE DAY can't come soon enough[3], and

Stuart Thomson at Ignis has just discovered we're all going through a bad time

Stuart says it's vile. And he's shocked. He had no idea there was a credit crunch in 2007. No one told him about Lehman Brothers in 2008. Speaking to me earlier, he said: "Mr Fowke, where have I been, in a goddamn dream world? Oh my God! Inflation, limited expansion, oh, and the chaos, riots in Greece. Why wasn't I told before now?!"

Jesus H. Christ. Why didn't anyone keep him informed? / Mr Thomson is the chief economist at Ignis Asset Management. They even let him co-manage one of the funds. / Maybe it was the trauma. 'Maybe he's a bit thick.' Shut it, Voice! Have some respect. / Maybe he was told, but he blocked it all out. Yes, that's what happened. 'Like a six-year coma, eh?' He hasn't been in a coma, man. 'Well, a dream world, Mikey, like he says. Er, astral plane?' I think I would know if he had been floating around on the astral plane for the last six years, don't you? 'Yeah, I suppose.' / Dream world it is then. Some guys have all the luck.

_________________________

Another sunny day, and I'm stuck indoors. What a miserable life! Should I go out after lunch, or make a start on No. 92?

I've played a lot of guitar this week. / Five hours, Sunday. Two hours, Monday. Three and a half hours, Tuesday. One and a half hours, yesterday. / I'd like to do more, of course.

The sun's disappeared. Good.

[No. 91] I don't like the sun being out when I have to stay in

It's this madness that's keeping me in.

And I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[1], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[2], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[2], and my happy face has gone into hiding[1], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[2], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[1], and my happy face has gone into hiding[2], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[1], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[2], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[1], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[2], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[1], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[2], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[1], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[2], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[1], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[2], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[1], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[2], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[1], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[2], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[1], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[2], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[2], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[3], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[3], and my happy face has gone into hiding[3], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[3], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[3], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[3], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[3], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[3], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[3], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[3], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[3], and

And I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[1], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[2], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[2], and my happy face has gone into hiding[1], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[2], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[1], and my happy face has gone into hiding[2], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[1], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[2], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[1], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[2], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[1], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[2], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[1], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[2], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[1], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[2], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[1], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[2], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[1], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[2], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[1], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[2], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[2], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[3], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[3], and my happy face has gone into hiding[3], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[3], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[3], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[3], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[3], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[3], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[3], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[3], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[3], and

And I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[1], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[2], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[1], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[2], and my happy face has gone into hiding[1], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[2], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[1], and my happy face has gone into hiding[2], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[1], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[2], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[1], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[2], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[1], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[2], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[1], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[2], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[1], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[2], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[1], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[2], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[1], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[2], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[1], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[2], and I want to be OUT in the sunshine, just enjoying life, and I want to eat an ice cream[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[2], and summer has come early, YES, no, YES! - and the snow is a distant memory[3], and my SAD face is pressed up against the window[3], and my happy face has gone into hiding[3], and I'm scratching at the glass, so DESPERATE(!)[3], and I want to get LOST in the SUNSHINE with a SUNNY song, with the slags out of my mind[3], and I want to be more than THREE of it a-ROUND here, and I don't want to give those slags the obvious words they crave[3], and when the sun goes away, it'll ease my mind(?!), oh no, and I'm waiting for the night ... to feel even worse[3], and I get these FEELINGS I can't control[3], and I just want to lie on my bed until it all goes away: the sun, the night, the feelings of PAIN[3], and spinning in my head a-ROUND here doesn't give me any SATISFACTION, well ...[3], and I'm falling, yeah, lower, and lower, darker, and darker[3], and I've got TEARS now like no one has ever seen - or even heard about in tales of woe[3], and

Jamie Fairest is taking over, with Bob Jolly in reserve

'What?! What is this?' Oh, shut it! Christ. / Listen, I have no idea who these guys are. I know who Karl Dasher is. Karl is an old friend of mine, from when the world was young. (Ah, the apple trees!) However, I can't tell you who Jamie Fairest and Bob Jolly are. Strangers to me. 'Shame.' I must admit they sound like real characters though, the sort of men I would get on with, given half a chance. The thing is, David Scammell has left Schroders. He couldn't take it no more. He was managing the Schroder ISF Euro Liquidity fund. 'Oh, right.' Jamie has stepped in to stop the whole thing collapsing. 'And Scammell, Mikey?' He's gone looking for the desert, Voice, believe it or not. 'Ha!' But Karl could have told him: "It ain't there, son. There is no desert. Those days are over." I guess some people are just optimists. There's nothing we can do about it. 'Fantasists, more like.' Yeah, you might have a point.

It's sad. / I don't know what David is really looking for. He ran a few funds. They weren't enough for him. Something was lacking. There wasn't enough spirituality, or maybe he had the wrong attitude. It can get confusing. We all feel lost, every now and then. (Not all the time, thank God. That would be a problem.) 'Do you think he's any good on the guitar, man?' How should I know, Voice?

_________________________

Well, the time has come. / I'm going to break out the Elixir 92/8 phosphor bronze (light) acoustic strings with ultra-thin nanoweb coating. This is serious! I ain't fucking around. They almost cost as much as my bloody guitar, but I don't care. My Heart is a decent song. I need to prove it with a decent demo.

I'm busy the next few days. I'll put them on Saturday, and try to record Sunday.

Hard work. / It's just keeping a steady rhythm ... not making mistakes ... singing in a suitable way ... listening for background noises. / Anything can go wrong. It's a nightmare.

George Soros says that hedge funds won't be able to beat the markets in the future

In the year 2525? Science fiction? / Er, yeah, hedge funds are too big or dominant in the markets now or something. 'It's now!' Well ... I don't know what George is going on about. (And I don't really care, not with my problems on my mind.) All I know is that I'm getting emails from hedge fund managers every day begging me to let them join the band. 'What fucking band, Mikey?!' My band, Voice. 'You don't have a band, man!' I know I don't. But they think I do. They want to play keyboards, or the bass. Yesterday, some guy wanted to play the drums. Basically, they're desperate to escape finance. 'Shit!' Can you blame them? 'No. It's all coming to an end.' Yes, and my angel picks this moment - THIS MOMENT - to go on Newsnight and say that kids should be taught finance in school! 'Did you see her?' No, I missed it. Just heard about it on Twitter. / Actually, I reckon she'd make quite a sexy backing singer if she wasn't SO(!) into all that nonsense, the nonsense I've wasted the last six years on. 'But you don't have a band, Mikey.' No. 'You could be a duo - like Renee and Renato!' Don't take the piss, Voice.

Maybe I need one, you know, a band. / My fingers are messed up. I'm playing the guitar a lot more. I've got to. / I thought my new song was a great song ... but a great song needs a great recording. / Sometimes it's hard to separate them. I mean, Walk On By - song, or recording of the song? Do you know what I mean, reader?

It's all right for George Soros. He doesn't have my worries. (Nor the worries of the little hedgies, with their millions). He's well out of it, the grief of life, with his billions. / Billions!

If I had billions, do you think my fingers would be all cut up? Of course they wouldn't. Soros can't relate to my pain.

I don't know, man. He might envy me. I'm in agony, but I'm ALIVE! / It's like a mummy with banknotes instead of bandages. Soros, not me.

Failure is not an option

I've been playing guitar the whole day (Sunday), my fingers are cut to fucking ribbons, and I still don't have a recording of My Heart. But I'm not worried. Failure is not an option. I'll try again today (Monday). And I've been reading some Napoleon Hill quotes on the internet. You've got to have desire. Oh, I’ve got plenty of that.

I'm not writing about finance tonight. You'll have to wait until Tuesday for some exciting bollocks about a hedge fund launching or closing.

I'm worried I may need to write another song. Damn. / There must be something wrong with My Heart if I can't capture it in more than 250 recordings. Actually, I've lost count. / Maybe there's something wrong with me. / I did write a tune yesterday. I might be able to use it. I don't know. I go from being completely certain in my head to utterly fucked. I need to get chilled.

You don't have to read this. It's my diary. You can read No. 90, about the little lamb. I wouldn't bother with this though.

I've put Apollo on. It should chill me out a bit. It's cold out in space. Just ask Elton John. 'No, Mikey, it's lonely out in space.' Whatever, Voice. Go away, please.

That new tune is all right (easy to play, too). Pretty catchy, in fact. Maybe I should develop it later today, and put some words to it - quickly. No messing about. I'm sick of messing about.

Lionel Bart used to sing his lyrics into a tape recorder. He couldn't play an instrument. 'You want to do things properly, man.' Of course I do. I'll get there. 'You've been there before, Mikey.' Of course I have. I finished my first demo twenty-five years ago this February, although I had professional musicians helping me then. / "Fast" Eddie Felson didn't crumble in The Color of Money. I'm not going to.

[No. 90] Pepijn is a lamb

Our little Pepijn.

And Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[1], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[2], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[2], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[1], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[2], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[1], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[2], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[1], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[2], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[1], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[2], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[1], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[2], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[1], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[2], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[1], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[2], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[1], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[2], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[1], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[2], and Pepijn is ... YES![1], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[2], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![2], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[3], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[3], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[3], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[3], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[3], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[3], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[3], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[3], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[3], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[3], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![3], and

And Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[1], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[2], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[2], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[1], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[2], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[1], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[2], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[1], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[2], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[1], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[2], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[1], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[2], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[1], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[2], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[1], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[2], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[1], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[2], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[1], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[2], and Pepijn is ... YES![1], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[2], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![2], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[3], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[3], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[3], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[3], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[3], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[3], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[3], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[3], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[3], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[3], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![3], and

And Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[1], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[2], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[1], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[2], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[1], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[2], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[1], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[2], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[1], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[2], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[1], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[2], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[1], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[2], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[1], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[2], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[1], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[2], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[1], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[2], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[1], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[2], and Pepijn is ... YES![1], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[2], and Pepijn is the friendly little lamb on the green grass, and if you smile at him he'll smile back at you[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![2], and we all want to be just like Pepijn BECAUSE Pepijn is free, and we all want to be free and more than THREE a-ROUND here[3], and have you ever seen a lamb smile?[3], and I worry about Pepijn, you know - it's an EVIL world[3], and they protected him at GOLDMAN, and I don't know about the situation now with his new guardians[3], and Pepijn is many things, and it's so hard to pin him down, to say: Pepijn is a LAMB[3], and Pepijn is a SUNFLOWER(!)[3], and Pepijn is a FEATHER(!)[3], and brutal reader, oh, mad spinner a-ROUND, go to him ... to learn gentleness[3], and (please!) speak with the little lamb, and let his words enter your mind and your soul - he'll tell you everything[3], and everything is what you need, and what I need, and we don't want mystery, believe me[3], and Pepijn is waiting for YOU on the green grass, and I'll come with you, cold reader, to get enlightened[3], and Pepijn is ... YES![3], and

Is ICAP involved in all this Libor fixing nonsense?

Who cares?! ICAP does loads of wonderful work for charity, that's the important thing. But, of course, the FSA isn't impressed, so it wants to investigate ICAP. Whatever. I mean, if it makes them happy at the FSA, eh?

_________________________

Oh, man, that will have to do. I can't focus on finance at the moment. I'm too excited, man! 'Excited about your music, Mikey?' Fuckin' A, Voice! I'm working on my guitar playing whenever I can, but I'll be recording My Heart on Sunday. It might take the whole day. I recorded the earlier version over 150 times at Christmas. 'Yeah, and you still couldn't get it right.' Cut me some slack, Voice. I'm not the greatest musician in the world. I'm getting better though.

After lunch, I'll write No. 90. / I'm in a positive mood, so I'll try to make it a nice one. 'Not all moaning and misery then?' No, not today. Conceptual literature (and life) is what you make it.

I'm listening to Guns N' Roses again. I go through different periods. One week it might be Neil Young, or Prince. Now it's these crazy guys. 'Well, nothing lasts forever, Mikey, and we both know hearts can change.' Exactly!

[No. 89] Soon, I'll be free

I ain't talking about three (more than).

And I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[1], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[2], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[2], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[1], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[2], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[1], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[2], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[1], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[2], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![1], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[2], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[1], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![2], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[1], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[2], and I can't make you SEE[1], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[2], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[1], and I can't make you SEE[2], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[1], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[2], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[1], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[2], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[1], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[2], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[2], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[3], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[3], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[3], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[3], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[3], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![3], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[3], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[3], and I can't make you SEE[3], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[3], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[3], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[3], and

And I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[1], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[2], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[2], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[1], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[2], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[1], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[2], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[1], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[2], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![1], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[2], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[1], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![2], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[1], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[2], and I can't make you SEE[1], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[2], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[1], and I can't make you SEE[2], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[1], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[2], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[1], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[2], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[1], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[2], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[2], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[3], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[3], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[3], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[3], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[3], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![3], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[3], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[3], and I can't make you SEE[3], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[3], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[3], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[3], and

And I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[1], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[2], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[1], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[2], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[1], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[2], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[1], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[2], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[1], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[2], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![1], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[2], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[1], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![2], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[1], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[2], and I can't make you SEE[1], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[2], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[1], and I can't make you SEE[2], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[1], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[2], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[1], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[2], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[1], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[2], and I'm planning my escape, and I'll get outta there, and there's nothing they can do to stop me[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[2], and they're watching me, with FEAR in their eyes[3], and I'll get away from the DIRT, and I'll kiss the SCUM goodbye, oh goodbye forever: I'll scream it[3], and anyone can do it, I'm not special, well ...[3], and no one knows the PAIN, the terrible MISERY, and I must be ... oh, SUPERHUMAN(!)[3], and so ... I am SPECIAL, really[3], and YOU can be special, and you've to tell them: no more, no more SHIT, please![3], and you can forget the "PLEASE" - just be firm, be strong, show a bit of spirit[3], and those who know, know, and those who feel, feel[3], and I can't make you SEE[3], and open your eyes: they're jealous of your soul, so what are you going to do?[3], and YES I'm talking about you, and them, and what do you think this is all for, my fucking health?[3], and I don't think you want to be on your own, not at a time like this - oh, okay, I'll focus on myself[3], and here I am, stuck a-ROUND[3], and

Pierre Andurand has got a brand new hedge fund!

All's well that ends well. That's what I say. Why? Pierre Andurand has launched a new hedge fund, Andurand Capital Management. I reckon his BlueGold Capital Management failed because he didn't name it after himself, unless BlueGold is his middle name. Anyway, I think he had a couple of co-founders then. This is different. It's Pierre by himself, and that's better, as far as I'm concerned. There's nothing wrong with a bit of ego.

I'm listening to Guns N' Roses. I'd like to record a song like November Rain. And do the video as well with me playing guitar outside a church wearing leather trousers. But let's get back to Pierre. Yeah, he's got this new hedge fund, which will go in for oil again, just like the last fund. Wonderful! I take my hat off to him. Well, I would if I had one, sweet reader o' mine.

'You're crazy! You're fucking crazy!' What, Voice?! 'I'm quoting Guns N' Roses, Mikey!' Whatever. / So, you're back, are you? 'Obviously, yeah.' Did you have a nice time? 'Yeah.' How are your mum and dad? 'Fine.' Okay. What did you do then? 'Just floated around a bit, you know.' Yeah. The astral plane doesn't change.

_________________________

I've got a migraine. A bad one. / When I write No. 89 later, I'll do it on paper. That way I won't have to stare at my laptop screen for hours.

"I don't need your civil war. It feeds the rich while it buries the poor."

Right, laters.

'What's so civil about war, anyway, Mikey?'

Get lost, Voice.

Philippa Gee: inflows, oh crikey!

My favourite wealth management fund bird or whatever, Philippa Gee, is going on about fund management PR insanity and using words like "crikey". She doesn't like news of inflows, which I find a bit strange. Personally, I don't care for any sort of financial news. It fucking sickens me. So why does Philippa single out news of inflows? I don't know. She's a funny girl. I mean, I like her, but ... well, you know.

_________________________

Yes, I'm writing in the night again, and listening to Brian Eno's Apollo again. There's no law against it.

We won't be hearing from the Voice. I've given him a couple of days off. He's visiting family on the astral plane.

I got those two lines I needed for my song. I'm feeling pretty good now. And I'm in a state of certainty. (I think that's what Tony Robbins calls it.) My life's gonna change.

What about all this snow, eh? I hope we get some nice weather soon. I think I saw a bit of sunshine yesterday morning.

I'm sort of lost without the Voice. I know he can be quite annoying, but he keeps me company. / It's a lonely business, this blogging. Especially if you're isolated and surrounded by enemies (in the fuckosphere), like Julius Caesar. I'm not complaining. Fortunately, I have the strength of soul to cope. And my superiority is a great comfort.

Got Sylvian on now. Instrumentals, thank God.

I'm not very inspired tonight. Just tired. I'm going to sleep. Later(s), reader(s), friend(s). See you Wednesday.

Antony Jenkins' new code: respect, integrity, service, excellence, and stewardship

Oh, do me a favour! What is this bollocks? Respect, integrity, service, excellence, and stewardship! Is he serious? / In case you haven't heard, Antony Jenkins is the new chief executive of Barclays. (They got rid of my mate, Bob Diamond, the bastards.) He wants to change the culture at Barclays. Yeah, right. Bobby was too toxic, apparently, meaning: he wanted to make money. This Tony character wants to cuddle polar bears, or save the sharks, I suppose, I don't know. / Christ. I know he's not interested in making money. I know that much. Bring back Bobby! I want Bobby. And I don't even know what he's doing at the moment. I've lost all contact with him because he's out of the game. It's a real tragedy. I hope he gets a job soon.

Listen to me, Tony. You might learn a thing or two. / Respect? Let me tell you about respect, son. You've got to respect your shamans before they follow Bobby out the door. (The few you have left, I mean. It's all falling apart.) Integrity? I have no idea what that is. Fuck integrity, man. Service? Fine. Big Herb is dead, and, as Dylan said, you've gotta serve somebody. It may as well be me. I'm running mystical capitalism now, what's left of it. Excellence? Tony, take a look at the story of my life. That's all you need to know about excellence. Stewardship? Er, I haven't a clue, frankly. / So ... forget your code, okay? Or I might have to pay you a visit, in the night. In my astral body. Yes, I can still do it. It's like riding a bike.

_________________________

Music update? / I was going to pack these updates in, but ... I can't stop. (This blog is like my diary or something. One that everyone can read.) / Anyway, I've decided to use Gilly Marie after all. It may be simple, but it's good. (More than good, actually, a garage band classic, although I don't have a band, or a garage.) Also, it saves me the hassle of finishing my fourth song. / Today? I'm going to rewrite two (weak, ugly) lines of My Heart. Then I'm finished, except for the recording of that song, and maybe Gilly Marie again. I need to improve my guitar playing (as I keep saying). I'll be ready mid-February, hopefully. / I'm not telling you the title of the third song. You'll have to wait and see, and hear.

[No. 88] I'll go mad

All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.

And if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[1], and with a razor?[1], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[2], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[1], and with a razor?[2], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[1], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[2], and they've got it coming[1], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[2], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[1], and they've got it coming[2], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[1], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[2], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[1], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[2], and the voices, eh?[1], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[2], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[1], and the voices, eh?[2], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[1], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[2], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[2], and with a razor?[3], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[3], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[3], and they've got it coming[3], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[3], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[3], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[3], and the voices, eh?[3], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[3], and

And if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[1], and with a razor?[1], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[2], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[1], and with a razor?[2], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[1], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[2], and they've got it coming[1], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[2], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[1], and they've got it coming[2], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[1], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[2], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[1], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[2], and the voices, eh?[1], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[2], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[1], and the voices, eh?[2], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[1], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[2], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[2], and with a razor?[3], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[3], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[3], and they've got it coming[3], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[3], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[3], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[3], and the voices, eh?[3], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[3], and

And if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[1], and with a razor?[1], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[2], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[1], and with a razor?[2], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[1], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[2], and they've got it coming[1], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[2], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[1], and they've got it coming[2], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[1], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[2], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[1], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[2], and the voices, eh?[1], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[2], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[1], and the voices, eh?[2], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[1], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[2], and if it gets RESULTS who's going to argue with a madman twisting (and foaming) all a-ROUND outside?[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[2], and with a razor?[3], and if I could destroy the financial news, oh, THAT would be an achievement, something to boast about[3], and as a madman SHA-man I could roll on their office floor, and I could piss FIRE on their pathetic parade, and I could call myself "Rasputin"[3], and they've got it coming[3], and they'll look at me, with fear in their eyes, oh yes, and they'll see a BARBARIAN at reception[3], and it's like the dull leading the dull with them, even the dead leading the dead[3], and I am the CAESAR of news - and I search for it, and I will destroy it[3], and the voices, eh?[3], and Nietzsche said to me: get your razor out, son, cut your name into their hearts, and don't forget to wear your monstrous face[3], and I meet all sorts in the NIGHT[3], and

Charles Simonian is launching his Trove Capital Management

'Oh, what?!' Soon, not yet, in the spring, I should imagine. Yes, his new hedge fund, Trove, will be a long-short equity thing into large-cap companies, for some reason: you know, business nonsense, consumer stuff, industrial crap, media shit, and telecommunications sectors, which is every kind of large-cap company, really. 'How many funds has he launched now, Mikey?' I don't know, not many. Seven or eight. / 'Why is he doing this?' Well, Voice, Charles Simonian has had enough of working with "Chandler Blockage". 'Oh.' Can you blame him? 'Getting away from that awful "Chandler"? No, I don't blame him. Christ. I think he's made the right decision.' Of course he has. No more horror!

_________________________

Well, look at that, financial news, reasonably interesting financial news, but only because of the monster.

But ... what else is there? / There's nothing else. I'm used to it. That's why I make my own entertainment. It's why I tolerate the voices.

I can love. I can really love, when you dance - obviously. 'Eh? Are you talking to me?' No. I'm listening to Neil Young.

Music? My guitar playing isn't good enough. I should be able to get a song in three or four takes. So, more work. / There's only one solution: the Prince solution. Massive action around the clock. / I had an idea a while ago that I should take Saturday nights off, well, 4.00pm Saturday to 10.00am Sunday, and then work all the rest of the time, except when I'm sleeping. / I need full-spectrum dominance. Great songs, and great performance, great everything.

A lot of work. / 'Where will you get the energy from, man?' Listen, Voice, if that Krishna guy can go around the world in his seventies, opening temples, writing books, and blue God knows what else, I can do this. And as for finding the time, it's not as if I enjoy "normal" life all that much, is it? TV, the pub, shopping, it's all bollocks. 'Yeah.'

_________________________

The sun is out!!!

[No. 87] Life goes on

Look at the sun. Or the moon.

And I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[1], and we change, and some things never change[1], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[2], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[1], and we change, and some things never change[2], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[1], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[2], and life goes on with no control[1], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[2], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[1], and life goes on with no control[2], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[1], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[2], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[1], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[2], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[1], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[2], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[1], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[2], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[1], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[2], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[2], and we change, and some things never change[3], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[3], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[3], and life goes on with no control[3], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[3], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[3], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[3], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[3], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[3], and

And I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[1], and we change, and some things never change[1], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[2], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[1], and we change, and some things never change[2], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[1], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[2], and life goes on with no control[1], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[2], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[1], and life goes on with no control[2], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[1], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[2], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[1], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[2], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[1], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[2], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[1], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[2], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[1], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[2], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[2], and we change, and some things never change[3], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[3], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[3], and life goes on with no control[3], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[3], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[3], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[3], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[3], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[3], and

And I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[1], and we change, and some things never change[1], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[2], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[1], and we change, and some things never change[2], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[1], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[2], and life goes on with no control[1], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[2], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[1], and life goes on with no control[2], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[1], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[2], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[1], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[2], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[1], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[2], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[1], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[2], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[1], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[2], and I can't stop it, this life, I can't freeze it, shit, I wish, and I stick it, crying bitter tears, here a-ROUND, and still it passes, laughing, not caring[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[2], and we change, and some things never change[3], and oh I wish, yes, I were laughing, not caring, on the river, of life, in the water, all wet, not dry - like the desert of news[3], and it goes on, life, for everyone OUTSIDE, free of the misery I've put myself in, and you[3], and life goes on with no control[3], and there'll be more and more of it, years and years of it, even after we've gone[3], and if you don't believe me: just look at the sun in the day or the moon in the night, or the moon on one of those mornings[3], and they're finding more galaxies all the fucking time[3], and we're not the only ones alive, though we're the only ones a-ROUND, for our sins[3], and I want to see the sun in the night because I want to break the pattern[3], and I want to take a bite out of the moon[3], and

I'm not even going to pretend there's any financial news worth writing about

It's a sad state of affairs, isn't it? / I've looked around the internet. I can assure you, dear reader, that I've tried my best, but there just isn't any financial news today that can appeal to anyone with any, er, well ... soul? I don't know. Soul is probably the wrong word. 'Vitality, Mikey?' Maybe, Voice, maybe. / I think my readers know where I'm coming from. They're not the square sort who go in for conventional financial websites. They're as sick as I am of the arrogance of the bland and mindless. 'Soulless. Yeah.'

So what are we left with? I won't lie to you: I feel let down. Terribly let down. After all these years. / I'll be working on another conceptual after lunch, No. 87. 'That's a few hours away. What are you going to do until then?' I could write about that helicopter crash. / I'm watching it now on Sky News. I mean, this is news, proper news. Only two people are confirmed dead, which is a miracle. One man is saying the helicopter was spinning towards him, on his way to work. This is life, real life. You never know what's going to happen. / Numbers going up and down, stocks, markets, ain't life, man.

I don't think I'm being too hard on them, the financial journalists. 'They've made their beds, Mikey.' They should do what I'm doing. I'm trying to get out of the game. I've got my music now. I'm sure they have hobbies, other interests. There's no excuse for sticking with a career that isn't going anywhere. (Think of the lovely Stacy-Marie. She's no fool. Intelligence as well as beauty. 'Yeah, unbeatable combination in a bird.') And there's no shame in admitting you were wrong. 'Of course there isn't. It takes courage.' We all make mistakes.

Never mind. / I would say: "They'll learn", but I'm not sure they will. 'What's their problem?!' It's their nature, Voice.