Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Henry Kravis and George Roberts have done it again!

My God! I can't believe it! The Kohlberg Kravis Roberts boys. They've done it again! 'What have they done, Mikey?' Made loads of money, son. Do you remember last year? I reported - yeah, me - that they had made over $135 million each the year before. 'Which year was that? I'm getting confused.' The year before, man. / Anyway, this year, now, I can report that they made just as many millions ... er, last year. '2013?' Yeah. Well, more. Over $160 million each! 'Brilliant! And how much are they sending you?' Eh? 'How much are you getting, boss?' Nothing. 'But I thought -' I don't want to talk about it, Voice. Let's just be happy for Henry and George, yeah?

I'm very happy for them. / They are pretty mean, though, because I only wanted £5 million, and I didn't get a penny, did I? 'Maybe you'll have more luck this year.' I don't want to discuss it, Voice! Are you thick or something? / But I'm wondering ... How much money do they actually need? If they were to send me a mere £1 million, would they miss it? Of course they wouldn't! They probably spend that much on new shoes each month. 'New shoes?!' Well ... and a haircut. 'Yeah, it all adds up.' I can't afford to go to the barber's every month. And I can't remember the last time I bought a new pair of shoes. 'You got those trainers the other week.' Trainers are different. Henry and George have thousands of pairs of trainers. 'How do you know?' I'm guessing, man. They want to stay fit, don't they? I imagine they go jogging with a new pair every morning, before work.

Not that I care what they do. I have my own life, and a bit of money. I'm not starving. I don't need Henry and George. However, I'm sure they would feel better about themselves if they shared their good fortune with me. 'They worked for it, boss. They didn't win the lottery.' Oh, sure, man. Yeah. Ha! Did they work for it? Really? Come on. Don't be so naive. Guys like that are set up for wealth from the moment they're born. 'You're talking like a commie, Mikey!' Shut it! Go away! / I'll phone Henry later, dear reader(s), after lunch. I'll make him understand ...