Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Simon Hynes will be the chief executive of Jupiter

One day. Oh, one day. Be patient. / It's just a feeling I have about the man. He is being groomed. 'Isn't that illegal, Mikey?' No, Voice, it isn't. It's all above board. Jupiter aren't a bunch of degenerates, you know. / Simon has just been promoted to global head of distribution, by the way. One interesting fact though: a lot of people mistake Simon Hynes for Simon Somerville. 'They do look pretty similar, boss.' No they don't. As I've said before, Simon Somerville is a reasonably cheerful chap, but he has a hint of melancholy that sets him apart. Simon Hynes is outrageously cheerful, essentially soulless - perfect chief executive material. Somerville would be disastrous as chief executive because - very much like myself - he isn't able to control his moods. Imagine him in an important meeting or maybe a media interview, getting bored, getting depressed, wistfully staring out of the window, then slowly taking his clothes off and setting fire to his hair, his body hair, all of it. 'That would damage the business, man.' Of course it would! That's why Somerville should stay where he is. He's got different fish to fry, anyway.


Music update? 'Yeah!' Yeah, might as well. Music is more interesting than finance, ain't it? / I haven't recorded You're Lying yet. It's my best song, and I'm scared of making a hash of it. Give me more time. I need more time! / Oh, I've taken the delay off the Gilly, Gilly recording. It sounds better without it - clearer, man.

Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich. When my ship comes in, it'll be luxury egg sandwiches all the way, every day, I'm sure.

After lunch? Er ... No. 193, son. / Laters ...