Thursday 27 March 2014

Justin Onuekwusi has got a bugbear

Basically, a hobgoblin. That's what we’re talking about. / Do you remember Justin Onuekwusi, dear reader(s)? I told you last year that he was leaving Aviva Investors to pursue other opportunities. I thought he was going to be smart and get out of finance, but no(!), Justin has turned up at Legal & General Investment Management as a multi-asset fund manager, which is the same job he was doing before. But the grass isn't always greener! Well, certainly not in this case because poor Justin has got a bugbear now. Basically, a hobgoblin.

Justin phoned me late last night: Mikey, can you help me? (What's the problem, Justin?) You know what a bugbear is, yeah? An imaginary being invoked to frighten children, typically a sort of hobgoblin supposed to devour them. (Yeah.) Well, I've got one, man. It latched on to me at the new job. (So? It's imaginary, ain't it? What's the fucking problem?) The problem, Mikey, is that these things are real, you dig? At least mine is. It won't let me sleep at night, and I'm messing up at work. I've started thinking that risk-rated and risk-targeted are the same. That's how confused I am. (Oh, because they have risk in the name, I suppose. Yeah, it sounds serious, Justin, even though you're not a child. But what do you want me to do about it?) Well, you're the shaman. Work your magic! (Work my magic? What's in it for me?) Oh, come on, Mikey. There's nothing I can give a man like you. Unless you want money ... (Forget money, son. I just want you to think about your life. Will you do that for me?) What do you mean? (I mean, why did you leave Aviva Investors just to get mixed up with this bugbear at Legal & General, eh? How is your life any better?) I don't know, Mikey. I don't know what I'm doing any more. (Get out of finance, Justin.) I can't! I'm trapped.

The conversation got a bit personal after that, all his problems ... / Trapped! He's not trapped. Everyone has the power to change their life.

Anyway, after lunch, I'll be taking Justin and his bugbear for a spin, No. 206. The idea is, Justin holds on to his soul while I spin the bugbear away (not the same as yesterday). It'll be a piece of piss.