Monday, 17 July 2017

STAR Capital Partners has raised €800 million!

Okay, okay. Ha! Not pounds though, even though ... they're based in London. Which is fine by me. Let's teach those awful Brexiters a lesson! The latest is, we won't have food security when we leave the EU. Can you believe that?! We won't even know if we're getting our fucking dinner from one day to the next. The whole thing is beyond belief. 'Boss.' What, Voice? 'About the fund, yeah?' Oh, right. Well, it's their third fund, man. They're calling it STAR Strategic Assets III. And it's a buyout fund, apparently. 'Okay. But what's with this star thing in CAPITALS all the time, man? Why are they doing that?' I don't know, Voice. How would I know? It's just a style thing, I suppose. They want to stand out from the crowd.

Oh, the firm (from their website) ...

Established in 1999, STAR looks for businesses or assets protected by a strong strategic position, located in Western Europe with enterprise value between €50 million and €1 billion. Certain capital intensive activities clearly demonstrate these characteristics. However, we have extensive experience in recognizing and developing these qualities across the business spectrum.

Nice one. And there's more -

We are an independent partnership, owned and managed by the senior partners and with the flexibility and capacity to make quick decisions. Our structure ensures the early involvement of the senior team and a continued focus on key decisions in each portfolio company.

Okay. Thanks, guys. 'Uh, there's more, boss.' Christ!

STAR has rigorous protocols in place to address Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) matters, as we regard ESG as inextricably linked to building long-term sustainable value in our investments. STAR's polices are developed to take into account the specific activity of each portfolio company.

Yes, thank you, guys. I know you're enthusiastic. Jesus! We didn't really need that last bit though. Never mind. / Well, I hope it all goes well for them. Obviously, dear reader(s), you will have to make your own judgements. 'Ha!' What? 'Well, they're not going to take your word for anything, are they?' Shut up, man. Seriously. Remember who pays your wages. 'Who? What fucking wages?!' Shut it. / I really can't get the staff ...


Anything else? Music? Well, dear reader(s), I've scrapped the new tune that I said I would never scrap, and I've brought back the other new tune that I scrapped because ... it's actually very good, you dig? I hope that's clear. No more music updates. Ever.