Monday, 18 February 2008

Northern Rock nationalization: is there life on Mars?

The chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday that Northern Rock is going to be nationalized. Apparently, Goldman Sachs has advised the government to do this as the bids put in by Virgin and the bank's management team did not offer good value for money for the taxpayer. Understandably, shareholders are spitting blood. They will probably lose all their money now.

Well, this is just like that TV programme Life on Mars, isn't it? Nationalization? Nationalization! I have been speaking to Maurice Marble III - my adviser on all scientific matters - and he told me, 'I have known for ages that both Alistair Darling and Gordon Brown are time travellers. They are obsessed with the 1970s, and they are determined to drag the entire country back to that period. How will they do this? With a giant time machine which is hidden under the Millennium Dome or whatever it's called now. Northern Rock is just a test. As soon as they switch this machine on we will all be wearing flares again and listening to Slade, and eating Space Dust, and riding around on Chopper bikes, and working three days a week. Personally, I can't wait. I've always been a big Suzi Quatro fan.'