Friday, 7 January 2011

Gendarme Capital Corporation charged by the SEC with dumping billions of penny stock shares

Not just Gendarme. No, oh no oh no oh no. BUT two of its executives as well, Ezat Rahimi the CEO, and Ian Lamphere - who just happens to be some kinda crazy-ass vice president. I don't know what that means. Some firms have thousands of vice presidents, don't they? [Think of all the demons in hell. Are they vice presidents? It's something to think about, ain't it?] Anyway, Ezat and Ian dumped billions and billions of penny shares into the market, after promising all and sundry that they were keeping them as investments only. Oh, that's terrible! They made illicit profits of more than $1.6 million! Nice work if you can get it, eh?

It's at times like this that I turn to Marc Fagel -

"The federal securities laws are designed to ensure that buyers of stock in the open market have access to information about the companies in which they are investing," said Marc Fagel, Director of the SEC's San Francisco Regional Office. "Gendarme and its executives created a novel, but illegal, business plan to make an end-run around these investor protection laws, supposedly buying billions of shares of penny stock for investment purposes but instead turning around and dumping those shares into the market."

More SEC nuttiness, if you want it. And I know you do.

O Master, there's nothing nutty about the SEC, man. These are decent guys and girls just doing their job. Cut them some slack. What kind of world would it be if everyone dumped shit all over the place?

Ah, the voice of reason. Thank you, my child. Yes, you have a point there. Some dirty bastard has been dumping his rubbish in my alleyway. Hasn't he got his own alleyway? If I catch him, I'll smash his face in.

I was talking about penny shares and that.

Of course you were. Forgive me. This is a financial blog. I forget that sometimes. It's been a few weeks now, since the last time. But I would still like to catch him. It would be worth him doing it again, so I could catch him at it. With his filth.

The SEC caught those penny share guys. Just charged them. Didn't smash their faces in though.

How do we know? We don't know what goes on in that SEC basement. But I'll tell you something: it's not the way we do things on the astral plane. You ask Big Herb. He don't care about no penny share shenanigans. Never has done. Bigger fish to fry.

The astral plane is totally unregulated.

And that's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) we like it. Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight. It's Friday night tonight, obviously. I'll be on the plane if anyone wants to join me. Just lie down in a darkened room. Go to that special place in your head. Nature or instinct or some stuff like it will do the rest.

It's gonna be a gas!

Nitrous oxide. Inhalation of nitrous oxide for recreational use, with the purpose to cause euphoria and slight hallucinations, began as a phenomenon for the British upper class in 1799, known as "laughing gas parties".

O Master, you're very loose today, very free and easy. Is this a new trend?

I don't know. I don't know. Let's see how it goes. I ain't sure which way the wind is blowing yet. I ain't got nothing to prove. I ain't got nothing to lose. And there's nothing I care about. I am free. My immortal words have released me. I don't care what the squares think any more. Do you know how good that feels?

It's like breaking out of prison, Shirley!

You're not wrong! And I didn't have to dig no tunnel. Or jump over no wall. I just went to the cliff in my mind and -

And you were gone, man, like the grooviest cat in Christendom! What a life! What a story! This has got to be the greatest true story of escape and adventure ever imagined!

I didn't imagine it, baby! It happened! It's all true, all of it.

What can your readers learn from this?

Never ever look a gift horse in the mouth. That's number one. Never ever read any straight financial news. That's number two. (Those evil slags will just bring you down. Bunch of fuckin' creeps. Let's be frank. While I'm flying high in the friendly astral sky with Marvin Gaye? Forget about it!) Never ever trust anyone who isn't prepared to mix their blood with yours. That's number three. Er ...

Is there a number four? We all want a number four, Master. You can do it.

Number four, number four, number four. Number four! Always, always, always, yes, yes, yes. I can almost reach it. I -

Don't overdo it, boss. You've stretched your soul enough for one morning. Go and have a biscuit. You deserve it. This one's on me.

Thank you, my child. And thank you, everyone, for making it this far. I love you all so very much.