Thursday, 20 January 2011

Who is the investor who took over $1 billion out of Man Group?

Just wait until I get my hands on the bastard. Some bloody lunatic has taken out more that $1 billion (£625 million) of his money from a Man Group fund. This means that Man has now seen its ninth straight quarter of client outflows. All because of the selfish action of one man (I think a woman would have been more considerate).

I have no idea who he is. I've been on the astral plane. I've asked around. The ghosts of the dead financiers couldn't tell me. Big Herb isn't speaking to me at the moment. But don't worry, I'll find out who he is. Man Group is going through a hard time. It needs unfaithful investors like it needs a bag on its hip.

O Master, Man only has itself to blame.

O my child, what do you know about it? You're hardly an expert on these matters.

Man Group hasn't been using its GLG shamans and mystics. Manny and Noam have been sidelined. Well, that's what I suspect.

Surely not?!

I think you should check it out.

Oh, I will. I'll be seeing Pierre Lagrange in the desert this weekend. I'll ask him.

Really? Astral or physical?

Probably a bit of both, if I can spare the time. It's going to be tough getting out to the physical desert every week; you know, with my new schedule and everything.

Yeah. How's Pierre getting on with the mystical life now?

He's a changed man.


Oh yeah. I was with Arthur Simmons before Christmas, burning it up on the plane. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then Arthur says to me, 'Who's that over there, with his eyes full of love and flowers in his hair?' I had to look twice. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

It was Pierre Lagrange?!


Amazing! Flowers as well?

The flowers were a bit much, I thought. But -

He's still learning.

Of course he is.

Do you think he'll make it as a financial shaman then?

With Manny and Noam behind him? Why not? The cosmos is his oyster.