Thursday, 13 August 2015

Flexpoint Ford raises $950 million for its third fund and then closes it!

What?! 'Eh?!' / Jesus, Don, you can get more than $950 million! What's the matter with you, son? 'Who's Don, boss?' Don? Don Edwards is the chief executive of Flexpoint Ford. 'Oh.' But I guess he just ain't the ambitious type. Shame. '$950 million is a lot of money, man. Don doesn't want to be greedy, that's all.' Oh, and whatever happened to Greed is good - eh? 'You watch too many films, boss.' Shut up, Voice. Please!

This is a bit strange, dear reader(s), from the Flexpoint Ford website: With offices in Chicago and New York and the dark side of the moon, Flexpoint Ford is a private equity investment firm with $1 billion under management specializing in privately negotiated investments in the financial services and healthcare industries. Since the firm's formation in 2005, we have completed investments in over 20 companies across a broad range of investment sizes, structures and asset classes. Er ... $1 billion under management?! Does this mean that the third fund has 95 per cent of all the money, and the other money ... ? I mean, I don't know. Maybe there's something I'm missing, yeah? 'Why do you even care, Mikey? I'm sure Don knows what he's doing.' Really? Well, he'll be spinning a-ROUND later, after lunch. Mark my words. 'No. 340?' Oh, big time. Watch this space! Or that space ... over there.

[Update: some other website says Flexpoint Ford has more than $2 billion in assets under management. So I don't know who to believe now. 'Whom ...' Fuck off!]


Well, well ... / Anything else? Music? I'm listening to Undercover of the Night (on repeat) by The Rolling Stones. It's not a great song, but it has great guitar playing - and that's enough for me. / Actually, what was ... their last truly great song? I have to say Miss You from 1978. 'Put it on, man!' All right. Hang on ... [I also like Waiting on a Friend from 1981. I like it a lot. 'Put it on!']

Lunch? Cheese and pickle sandwich. £1.70. '£1.70!!!' You only live once, so live large!