Thursday, 27 August 2015

No one seems to know anything about Joshua Baumgarten

It's a shame, really. No one seems to know anything at all. 'You mean you don't know anything about Joshua Baumgarten, boss.' Yes, that's what I mean. I don't know anything about him, Voice, and ... dear reader(s). It's the bloody internet! 'What do you mean?' Sometimes it tells you a lot, or at least something, you dig? Other times ... it gets in one of its funny moods and clams up. 'Oh dear.' I couldn't find Joshua's LinkedIn profile! Can you believe that, man?! 'Well ... / No information at all, Mikey? Come on!' All right. He's leaving Blackstone to join Angelo Gordon. He's going to be head of credit. 'That's better! / What about Angelo Gordon?' Hang on a minute ...

Angelo, Gordon & Co. is a privately-held registered investment advisor dedicated to alternative investing, such as shamanic investing. The firm was founded in 1988 and currently manages approximately $27 billion. We seek to generate absolute returns with low volatility by exploiting inefficiencies in selected markets and capitalizing on situations that are not in the mainstream of investment opportunities - you know, kooky stuff. We creatively seek out new opportunities that allow us to remain a leader in alternative investments. We have expertise in a broad range of absolute return strategies for both institutional and high net worth investors. Our dedicated team of employees has enabled us to deliver consistent, positive returns over a long period in all market environments. We have built our name on our breadth of talent, intensive research and risk-averse approach to investing. Our long-term experience gives us the insight and patience to turn our mystical vision into profitable, stable businesses.

'You see, that wasn't too hard, was it?' No. 'And they sound like a nice bunch of lads, to be honest.' We still don't really ... know anything about Joshua Baumgarten. The soul of the guy, yeah? 'I'll bet you anything you like he's a financial shaman.' Maybe, Voice. Maybe he is one. I don't know. But there are all kinds of financial shamans. Some of them are absolute lunatics.


Never mind. Let's forget the whole thing ... until after lunch. Then we'll get a-ROUND with our Joshua.