Tuesday, 25 February 2020

Chocolate PR email

Okay, okay. Uh ... 'Is it really made out of chocolate, boss?' Is what made out of chocolate? 'The PR email.' Don't be so bloody ridiculous, Voice! 'Sorry.' Imagine the mess it would make in my inbox. 'Yeah. I wasn't thinking. Sorry.' You never think. 'Sorry, boss.' Stop saying sorry!


Anyway ...

Tony's Chocolonely has taken a major step in accelerating its global expansion and extending its mission, by striking an investment partnership with Verlinvest and JamJar Investments. The Dutch chocolate company was founded 15 years ago by journalists highlighting forced and child labour issues in the cocoa-industry, and has since grown rapidly to become the chocolate bar market leader in the Netherlands. In addition to expanding the brand internationally, the investment will be used to develop Tony's Chocolonely Chocolate Circus in Zaandam, The Netherlands - a chocolate factory and visitor's center familiarizing fans with the issues of inequality in the industry.

Well, well, well. Journalists being useful for once. I take my hat off to them! 'Do you have a hat, boss?' You know damn well that I don't. 'Oh.' Well, I do, actually. It's a green cap that I only wear on my Cornish holidays, to keep the sun off my head. I mean, the sun is worse in St Ives than London because of the beaches. 'That's harsh. Don't blame the beaches!' Shut up! The sun bounces off the beaches, or something. 'Or something?' Something scientific, Voice. I don't know what, exactly. And I don't care, frankly. 'Oh. / Er ... does this count as personal writing?' No. No, it doesn't. 'Why not?' Jesus H. - ! It's going to be difficult not saying nothing, man. 'Yeah.' But I'm not going into my emotions. That's the main thing. Or my plans, dreams. 'You’re not going to reveal your soul, like.' Ha, ha, ha! My readers don't deserve my soul. 'Oh, that is harsh!' Shut up!

Right. Henk wants to speak.

Henk Jan Beltman (Chief Chocolate Officer of Tony's Chocolonely): "With the investment of Verlinvest and JamJar, we can accelerate in achieving our goal of making all chocolate worldwide 100% slave-free. To accomplish this, it is important that we can continue to grow internationally so that more and more people - farmers, consumers, retailers, big chocolate companies and governments alike - can be involved in our mission."

Thanks, Henk! / Slavery still exists. In many forms. The world is a horror show. Some people try to do good. I don't know if ...

Two words: Rocks. Sea.

That's our glorious future! Not that we will see it. 'The spiders might.' Yes, I suppose. The spiders might. Will they appreciate it?

Anyway ...

Ben Black (Verlinvest): "We are delighted to be backing a category-defining innovator and leader in ethical business practices. Tony's Chocolonely is a fun and engaging brand, offering a serious and practical solution to an unfair and unequal supply-chain. We see huge potential to accelerate in bringing the brand to an international audience and driving change on a global scale."

Okay. Thanks, Ben. / Adam?



Adam Balon (JamJar Investments): "Over the course of only a few years, Henk Jan has created a fantastic brand and has set a new standard for the chocolate industry. I look forward to helping him and the entire team at Tony's Chocolonely create a truly global impact brand. I couldn't be more excited."

Okay, Adam. I didn't mean to wake you up, son. 'You got up early this morning, didn't you, boss?' Yes. But that's personal information. 'What time?' Personal information. 'Come on! What time?' Personal means personal. 'Tell us - !!!' All right. Quarter to five. 'What?! Have you gone crazy, boss?!' Yes. Yes. Yes. I've gone crazy.


It's going to take time to phase out the personal stuff. I can see that now. I can hide it in the conceptual posts, but it's going to be difficult in my regular posts. Especially if I have to answer that idiot's questions all the time. 'Harsh!' Shut up!

Well, it's a new challenge.