Friday, 20 January 2012

No subject

There's no subject, and no pain. 'What?!' Oh, I wish! And no fears, and no troubles, ha, really, nothing to worry about? In my dreams! I'm trapped, a prisoner, a monkey, a fly. I'm stuck, a fly with intelligence, in jam, almost as bad as the ones I despise, those flies without intelligence. The jam of cold reality, it is. I can't escape my consciousness, can I? And my consciousness can't escape the jam, can it? It's so incredibly sticky! So this is it. Yes, yes, yes. My fate. Our fate. My punishment. Your nightmare. A rat with soul! And I wanted glory. I am a big, soulful rat in the sewer of life. Just marvellous. How wonderful! It was worth being born for, and worth all the grief of hanging around, eh? Well, no subject, then? No, no, no. What is this, do you think? It's not nothing. Ah, nothing. God! Maybe if I fake it, it will come to be. Emptiness that would make King Solomon proud? I don't know. How could I know? I can't make sense of anything. I'm suffering. This utter misery. My aching heart! "No subject" seems to be the subject here, that's the problem. What can I do? I can't fake emptiness when I'm full of words and ideas, right in front of your eyes, dear reader. Because it's not nothing, I'm afraid, all this. No, this isn't nothing, a beautiful nothing that would set me free. This is something, an awful something that makes me a pathetic slave.

You, reader, you ...

One day, soon, I'll break the world, your world. Yes, it's your world, and I blame you for the mess. 'My world?!' I will smash it into a million pieces. You must prepare for another life. I'll take your money and your possessions. I'll strip you of everything! Together, we'll be naked on the earth. Kindred spirits, at last. Try to understand, this: we are one action away from a tragedy, or one action away from a glorious comedy that will change the way we feel about everything. It's true. "They" say I'm crazy, but "they" don't see what I see. And who could know what I know, that there is nothing to know, just a hell of a lot to fear? We need to feel, feel joy, and we will.