Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Why has Segantii Capital closed its hedge fund to new investors?

Some absolutely shocking news coming out of Hong Kong. Segantii Capital has closed its Asia-Pacific Equity Multi-Strategy fund. Why? Because it's got too much money! Segantii doesn't want any more! It's got too much! Can you believe this?

I'll never understand these hedge funds. One minute, they want all your money. The next minute, they're saying: 'Sorry, mate, we've got more money than we know what to do with. Why don't you put it in the post office?' Nutters, the lot of them.

Segantii only has $620 million (US) in assets. Is that a lot? I don't think so. Is it too much? Certainly not! / Some people have no ambition. Not like me. I mean, think of that nasty business with Big Herb. When I finally realized he was holding me back, did I say: 'Oh, that's that, then.'? No. What did I do? I cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night. I disappeared the ghosts of the dead financiers. I sent Ganesh the elephant god into exile. I TOOK OVER! / It's not the same thing as boosting a fund's assets, but you've got to take risks in life. If I can assassinate a god and get away with it, I see no reason why Segantii Capital can't build up more than a billion dollars in assets. And a billion dollars is nothing. Kurt Ersoy is the chief executive of Segantii. Come on, Kurt! Let's see what you’re made of. Life isn't a rehearsal, you know.


No. 28 coming up later. I'll feel better when I'm in the mid-thirties with my conceptuals. By the time I get to seventy or eighty, it'll be a real achievement: more or less game over as far as revolutionary avant-garde literature goes.

I haven't played my guitar for about a week. I've still got no idea what I'm going to do for those lyrics. Never mind. I think it took McCartney a whole year to replace that scrambled eggs stuff.

It's lunchtime!