Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Bob Diamond might launch a hedge fund!

Firstly, I know you're worried about my leg, dear reader, but it's getting better, man. I was able to limp down to the shops this morning.

Now the important shit. / My dear friend Bobby Diamond is thinking about launching his own hedge fund. How do I know this? He phoned me late last night. See if you can dig the edited highlights of our conversation: 'Mikey, O Master, I've got some good news. (Where have you been, Bobby?) What? (I haven't heard from you in ages. I thought we were friends.) We are friends, Mikey, but I've had a bad time of it lately. I've been a little down. (Oh, and what about me, with my leg, and my ear?) What?! Mikey, come on, man, listen, I'm thinking about starting my own hedge fund. (And how is this news? You're thinking about something. Oh, you're thinking. I'm thinking about going out to dinner tomorrow night with my angel. I don't even know where she is in the world at the moment. We can all think about stuff, Bobby.) But I'm serious, man. I'll be working for myself. That's real freedom. And no one will be able to sack me. (Will you have a code?) Like Antony? Yeah, right. Are you fucking kidding me?! Respect, integrity, service, excellence, and - bullshit! Mikey, my code will be: let's make some fucking money! You dig? Let's do it to the other guy before he does it to us. That'll be my code. (I presume you'll be poaching guys from Barclays.) Fuckin' A I will! They hate Tony's guts. (Any shamans?) A few. And there might be some work for you. (No thanks, Bob.) I know you're still sore about the half a million I owe you. (It's not that, man. I want to be a songwriter now. I'm thinking of packing in this finance lark. There are too many wankers involved in it - on the writing/reporting side of things, I mean.) Yeah, so you're thinking too, Mikey, but we've got to act!'

Yes, we've got to act. Easier said than done. / Well, anyway, I hope it all works out for the crazy kid.