Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Omni Partners wants $250 million!

'What?!' Yeah, even though it's based in London. Why would Omni Partners want American dollars in London? 'Maybe they don't trust sterling, boss. A collapse is coming! Ah! Panic!' Shut up! Don't be so melodramatic, Voice.

[I'm still in a funny mood. My head's all messed up. But let's do this, eh?! Uh ... I'll give it my best shot.]

LinkedIn says (if it could talk): Omni Partners is focused on providing investors access to products that consistently deliver absolute returns. In order to achieve this objective, the firm combines demonstrated trading expertise with a strong emphasis on the proactive management of risk.

Well, well ... $250 million. What for? They want to lend it out. 'Ha!' I don't understand this. They want our money, right? 'Yeah.' And then they want to lend it to someone. 'Er ... we could just lend it ourselves.' I'm not lending my money to anyone!

Oh, it sounds dodgy. 'Hang on ... it's a direct lending fund, it says here, boss.' Where? 'Here.' So? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I have no idea what a direct lending fund is!

Let's not worry about it. (Christ. What's the time? I'm hungry.) I suppose Omni knows a thing or two about direct lending funds. 'They must be experts or something.' Let’s leave them to it, dear reader(s). / After lunch, I'll be writing a conceptual, No. 311. I'm going to call it: I want all the American dollars YOU(!) can give me! 'Nice title.' Thanks.


Anything else? 'Music?' Man, I was going around various guitar forums on the internet yesterday {***(before Vodafone stole all my credit ... bastards[!], pay your tax[!!!] ... now I'm back on T-Mobile)@@@} and, er, what ... never mind, well, it seems pointless trying to compare guitarists. Some people actually think Jimi Hendrix was rubbish. 'No!' Yeah. Maybe he was, compared to today's wizards. I don't know. / One interesting thing though: someone said that alternate picking didn't exist as a technique in Jimi's day. If that's true, it means I'm a little bit better than him because I've just spent the last year mastering alternate picking and I can do it now falling off a log. 'Have you actually tried it falling off a log, Mikey?' Er, no.

I haven't even got a log. 'Logs? There are some in the park down the road. There was a storm the other year. Bloody council haven't cleared the trees up yet.' Yeah, yeah. That's a mile away, man. And I'm not taking my guitar to the park to learn a new skill that I'll probably never use, never need. Just shut up!


I need a holiday.