Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Bobby Jain is joining Millennium Management

Yes, he's leaving Credit Suisse Asset Management, where he's the global head, to be co-chief investment officer at Millennium Management with Israel Englander. [Some people like to call him "Izzy". I call him "Israel" or "Mr Englander".] 'Is it really Bobby Jain, boss? Is that his name?' That's what I call him, Voice. 'And what does he call you?' Obviously, he calls me ... "Mikey". 'Oh. Are you old friends then?' Probably. I mean, I have so many friends in the world of finance. It's hard to keep track of them all.

Er, anyway, what does Bloomberg say about Bobby Jain? 'Christ!' Bloomberg says: This person is connected to 0 board members in 0 different organizations across 1 different industries. 'Some things never change.' Well, some things do change, man. Notice the small letters on "board members". Normally it's "Board Members". Where have the capitals gone? 'Who cares?! Haven't you got anything more interesting to write about?' No, not really. We've just had Easter. There isn't a lot of news.

Uh, anyway, I've been looking at Bobby's LinkedIn profile, and it's a load of crap. 'Why, boss?' It's a fake one. Are we supposed to believe that our Bobby doesn't have one connection?! Also, he's called Bob on the profile. That's not the Bobby I know. 'If you actually know him, that is.' Yes, if I actually know him.

In my life, reader(s), I know so many people. Bankers and hedge fund managers. They all merge into one big mass of faces and souls. They stare at me in dreams, in nightmares! Just like those mushrooms in that poem. 'Eh?! What poem?' The Derek Mahon poem. 'Oh, of course.'

...

However, it's too early in the morning for poetry. 'Maybe after lunch, yeah?' Ha! Be serious! After lunch, Voice, I'll be getting a-ROUND, No. 402. Conceptual stuff. 'Death to poetry!' Oh, that might be a good title. Thanks, man. 'Don't mention it, boss. When do I get a pay rise?' You don't. Cheeky git!