Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Jeffrey Halpern has gone to Argon Capital Management

Well, well ... / Right, I'm going to try my best, really, with this post, dear reader(s), but there's a lot of "confusing" information, you dig? Firstly, I'm a bit disturbed by Jeff's LinkedIn profile picture. 'Ha!' Exactly, Voice. It looks like someone has interrupted him eating his dinner. I mean, is that professional?! 'Not really, boss.' Maybe it's designed to make him look like a regular person - all approachable, like. Like the pictures you sometimes see of authority figures holding a mug of coffee. 'Those slags!' Not that our Jeff is an authority figure, so ... I don't know what's going on!

Christ! It's not really important, I suppose. The big news is that Jeffrey Halpern and John Curran and Andrew Suckling and Pasha Bahadori and Hugo Picca and Glen Eisenberg and Andrew Greenberg have all joined Argon Capital recently. 'Massive expansion, man!' Yeah. Portfolio managers. 'Nice.' And Argon, it's the firm co-founded by our Aurelia. Remember her? 'Er ... no.' Come on, Voice! Aurelia Lamorre-Cargill. This is from the archive, May 2009 -

"Michael, I can assure you that I will not be giving birth to this money with a burst of cosmic fire in my head. (No?) No. Your friend Maurice is an idiot. All we have to do is grab the money. It is there waiting for us. (Aurelia, love, how can we grab potential money though?) I don't understand the question. (The money doesn't exist yet. It hasn't sprung from nothingness yet.) Michael, why are you and Maurice getting so hung up about this word 'potential'? It's just something I said when I was talking to some newspaper. The money exists. It's real money. We've just got to grab it. (With our cosmic minds, yeah?) Of course, Michael, what the fuck do you think I'm talking about over here?"

Pretty "confusing", I know. And I'm still confused seven years later! Uh, this firm: Argon Capital aims to take advantage of the structural inefficiencies of commodities markets to create superior risk-adjusted returns and scalable capacity for institutional investors. Sounds all right, don't it?

More?! Er ... Jeff's LinkedIn profile. "Serve!" and "Manage!" and "Lead!". Well ... uh. 'What's all that shit, boss?' It's Jeff, man, telling us to do stuff. Strange. Very strange.

Ah, that's it!