Wednesday, 23 March 2016

James Mahon at Church House Investment Management has turned to cash!!!

Well, well ... / Disturbing news, reader(s). 'How did it happen, boss?' God knows! He just turned to cash in front of everyone in the office. 'A bit like spontaneous combustion, I suppose.' Yeah, man. It's shocking. 'I've heard a rumour he also turned to treasury stocks.' Oh, I don't know about that. My source just says that Mr Mahon turned into a big pile of cash. Everyone was crying.

Church House Investment Management? Oh, I've never heard of them. (Well, not until recently, when I was tipped off, like.) What are they about?

Church House Investment Management is a private investment management company. We offer investment management services for private individuals and family groups, including their ISAs, pension funds, trusts and charitable foundations.

Sounds all right. 'Sounds wonderful!' What about our Jimmy, Jimmy Mahon?

Our Jimmy is the chief executive and chief investment officer of Church House. He was instrumental in the establishment of Church House Investment Management in 1999 and brings many years of experience to his role. He became a member of the London Stock Exchange in 1980 and has held a number of senior posts including being a partner in stockbrokers Galloway & Pearson, a director of Hoare Govett and managing director of Archdale Securities. Working with the investment committee he is responsible for the overall asset allocation strategy for all client portfolios.

'Bloody hell! What are they going to do now, boss? They've lost their top man!' Well, they've got two choices. They can let it go, let it be, you dig? 'You mean leave Jimmy as a pile of cash and find a new chief executive?' Yes. Or ... they can call me in. 'Really?' For a small fee, I'll be able to sort this. 'Have you still got your spell book, Mikey?' Ha! Yeah, somewhere. I'm a bit rusty, Voice. I'll be willing to give it my best shot though. For a small fee, as I say. 'How much were you thinking of?' £20,000. 'Christ!' Oh, come on! I've got expenses, man. And materials to get. 'Right. Whatever.' It's up to them, Voice. Would it be cheaper to find a new chief executive?

Call me, guys.