Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Huw van Steenis has got a job at Schroders!

Ah, nice one. / Well done, Huw, mate! I hope you do well at Schroders. 'That's really good news, boss. It's always lovely when one of these layabouts gets a job at last.' Eh?! He had a job, Voice. Huw had a perfectly good job at Morgan Stanley. (And if you believe his LinkedIn profile, he still works there.) 'Well, why did he leave Morgan Stanley, then, if it was a perfectly good job, as you claim?' Christ! Because people are moving away from the banks into the fund management industry. 'Are they?' Yes! There's no mystery, man.

And it's a big job he's got, too! Our Huw is the global head of strategy at Schroders, or he will be. Obviously, er ... his LinkedIn profile says he's still a managing director at Morgan Stanley. But there's nothing we can do about that. 'Ha! His profile says all sorts of things, boss. Like, The Help to Buy home loan scheme is helping those who need it most and should go on. Oh, it helps nice middle-class people, I'm sure. Those Tory bastards!' All right, all right, Voice. You're not Ben Elton. We don't need "a little bit of politics" from you. Especially not this early in the morning.

Idiot! What an idiot! / Well, well ... I just wonder if Huw will be involved with all the Aviva Investors funds. I mean, all of them, you dig? 'Ha! Ha! Ha! Does he actually know about the funds, and those wasters?' Well, it's not the sort of thing Schroders likes to tell new employees. He'll find out though ... in time.

By the way, Huw, if you're reading this, son: You're the only one who can update your LinkedIn profile. I don't want to put pressure on you or anything, but ... you know, it would look better if the profile mentioned your new job, yeah? 'He's probably busy at the moment. Cut him some slack, man.' I just like things to be neat and tidy, that's all. I can never relax until these details get sorted. I'm - 'Oh, you're fucking neurotic! That's what you are, Mikey!' Shut up, Voice! You don't know what I am! You're not a shrink!


Bloody idiot! Cretin! I'm going to sack him one of these days, dear reader(s). Honestly. Let's see him survive without me. 'Ha!' / Right. Anything else? No - is the short answer. Laters.