Wednesday, 21 September 2016

SpringOwl Asset Management is going to launch a new fund!

Yippee! You know SpringOwl, reader(s)? It was founded by Jason Ader and Andrew "Tuco" Wallach three years ago. 'Tuco, what, boss?!' Tuco, Voice. That's Andy's nickname. 'Oh.' Do you know what his saying is? 'No. What?' Get this - Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco. Nothing! Then he chuckles a bit. It's brilliant. He scares the shit out of everybody.

This is from his LinkedIn profile ... I am currently the co-founder and Co-Chief Executive Officer of SpringOwl Asset Management. I was the CEO and CIO of Cumberland Associates LLC. After joining Cumberland in 1990, I became a partner in 1994 and became a member of the management committee in 1997. After co-managing the firm for 14 years, I became CEO in 2010 and CIO in 2011. My specialties and areas include: telecommunications, media and entertainment, technology, consumer goods, and distressed debt.

'Great!' Yeah, he sounds like a great guy. 'He certainly does.' Of course, Bloomberg has a different story ... This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. 'Ha! Those tossers, boss! What the hell is wrong with Bloomberg?!' I don't know. They enjoy being awkward and unhelpful, I suppose.

Anyway, a new fund. 'Has it got a name?' I'm sure it has. Or it will have. Give them a chance, for Christ's sake! This fund is definitely happening. 'Okay.' It's going to be investing in real estate, financial services, consumer and technology companies. 'Nice.' Well, why not? There's no harm in that stuff. I hope Jason and Andy make a success of it.


Anything else? Music? Oh, I'm listening to Daryl Hall and John Oates. 'What?! For your sins?' Shut up! They're criminally underrated, man, probably because they're so mainstream and commercial. However, they have some great songs (and great recordings of those songs). 'Has John Oates shaved that moustache off yet, Mikey? He's not doing himself any favours.' Leave him alone, Voice!

My music? I've made a slight lyrical change to my best song, which has improved it massively. It's like what Tony Robbins says about that one millimetre. 'Eh?!' Don't worry about it, idiot. The people who know will know. That's the important thing. / Well, laters ... 'Today?' Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ... 'Er, Saturday?' No! Tomorrow, Voice! 'Uh, Thursday.' Yeah, the end of the week. / So I'll say it again. Jesus! Laters.

The last ever music update (7.15pm): I'm serious. There's no point, man. I've reversed those changes to the lyric. I was concerned the chorus was a bit generic. And it is. BUT(!) ... it works, you dig? And if it works, it works. What the fuck am I supposed to do?! 'Mikey, if it ain't broke ...' Yeah, I know, I know. / Oh, and I bought a recording app for my smart phone. Only £2. But it's a waste, really. I mean, it doesn't matter how good it is, if I'm using the crappy microphone on my phone. Never mind.