Thursday, 24 October 2019

Good news/bad news

Okay, okay. It's the last post of the week, dear reader(s). 'Is that the good news or the bad news, boss?' It's neither, idiot. I haven't got on to the good news or the bad news yet. 'Oh.' The question is ... which should I cover first? 'The good news!' No. I'll do the bad news. 'Fine. Have it your way.' I will.

I always have it my way, you dig? My own way!!! Yes.

Right -

The UK's supposed post-Brexit 'white knight', America, is actually imposing steep new taxes and price increases on goods and small parcels sent to the USA from overseas. The international delivery specialist ParcelHero says it will cost significantly more to mail to America and absorb the impact of new US duties next year.

Okay, okay. That's the bad news. It's costing more to send parcels to America. 'Parcels again.' Yes, Parcels again, Voice. Our Jinksy is only interested in parcels. 'Christ. What's his problem?' Ha! Well, that's obvious. Parcels are his problem. The man is sick. 'What about the good news then?' We'll cover the good news in a minute. First, more of the Jinksy PR email ...

Britain may be looking to the US as its target market in a post-Brexit world, but the international delivery specialist ParcelHero says trading conditions are rapidly worsening for UK retailers selling to the US. ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT, says: "The USA is many British companies' second largest market after the EU, and many more will be looking at increasing their US sales next year. But there are three significant new factors that will actually make UK sales to the US considerably less profitable in 2020."

Three factors?! Man, I'm only doing one. 'Why?' Because he waffles on for ages, our Jinksy. 'He loves parcels!' Yeah, yeah. / I'll do the first one, the new prices and tariffs -

New US duties of 25% on traditional British goods such as clothing and whisky - increasing the price of a typical Savile Row suit by £1,250.

A potentially massive rise in the price of mail such as packets below 2kg entering the US.

US State sales taxes which previously didn't apply to overseas sellers increasingly imposed on UK goods.

Explains David: "UK online sellers to the US are already beginning to feel the bite of a raft of new taxes and price increases. Firstly, President Trump has just slapped $7.5bn of new tariffs on a long list of products entering the US in a tit-for-tat for what he claims are illegal subsidies the EU makes to Airbus. Britain's exporters are subject to this tax while we remain in the EU, and as Airbus has 25 sites in the UK, manufacturing components such as wings, Trump has no intention of making a special exemption for British companies."

Er ... what about the special relationship? 'A special relationship with Trump? Yeah, right.' Well, I'm disappointed.

Actually, that's, uh ... two. 'Two what?' Two of the three factors. 'Is it?' I don't know. Jinksy isn't being very clear. 'What's the third factor then?' Er ... I don't know. Same as the first one, I think. 'So there are only two factors?' Maybe. I don't know.

Never mind - !!!

Okay, okay. So, uh ... 'What about the good news, boss?' Oh, the good news? You want the good news? 'Yes!' The good news is ... I don't send parcels to America, and I never will. 'Oh.' I mean, I've got no reason to. I don't know anyone in America. 'You don't know anyone in America, boss?' Well ... not personally, Voice. If you know what I mean.

Anyway, anyway ... that's enough. Surely?

Bye! 'Bye!' Bye!