Tuesday, 26 November 2019

Black Friday is over!

And it hasn't even started. What a result! 'Who says that Black Friday is over, boss?' Who do you think? 'I have no idea.' Guess. 'Er ... Jinksy?' Ha! Of course it's Jinksy. Anything to do with parcels or shopping and Jinksy is our man.

The home delivery expert ParcelHero says this Black Friday is likely to see overall UK online and High Street spending growth stall. Low consumer confidence and stretched-out, lacklustre online deals have blackened Friday's prospects.

Oh dear. What a shame!

Since hitting the UK with a bang in 2010 Black Friday has gone on to create new spending records every year. But now the e-commerce delivery expert ParcelHero is warning things are looking black for this week's Friday event: it's saying Black Friday has had its day and is forecasting zero spending growth on Black Friday this year.

Great news, dear reader(s)! Listen! It's an American tradition. It's got NOTHING to do with us. You dig?

ParcelHero's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT, says: "In the early years stores such as Tesco and Asda were forced to lock their doors, such was the demand; while more recently it has grown online at 12% annually. This year we're seeing some big predictions for record Black Friday profits; but we've been analyzing data from many sources and we are not so optimistic."

Oh, Tesco and Asda were forced to lock their doors. 'Ha! They should have kept them shut, boss.' Exactly!

"In 2018 Black Friday made a record £2.4bn, including online sales of £1.4 bn. But while online sales were up a - slightly disappointing - 7% in comparison to 2017, town centre store sales were already down 7%. This year we believe disillusioned online shoppers will join High Street shoppers in losing interest in Black Friday, leading to no overall growth for the first time in its barnstorming ten-year history."

Well, who's got the bloody money these days?! Seriously!

Right. Explains Jinksy ...

Explains David: "The fact is online shoppers now know sites are pacing their offers over not just the day or the weekend, or even the whole week; we've seen a whole fortnight of 'warm up' offers. Even Black Friday's prime instigator, Amazon, couldn't wait beyond last Friday to kick off its Black Friday sale. Endless rolling offers take away from the need - and let's face it, the slight thrill - of logging on this Friday and zeroing in on some genuinely great bargains. Black Friday has become a dull month of stock clearance; and internet shoppers are unlikely to be breaking any records this year."

Well, that's interesting. I didn't know that Amazon was behind this Black Friday disgrace. Is there any sort of nonsense in this world that Bezos isn't mixed up in?

Right. Adds Jinksy ...

Adds David: "Sadly, we don't believe there will be a resurgence in High Street spending to compensate. While some High Street stores are still climbing on the Black Friday bandwagon, beauty store Deciem is shutting up shop entirely on Friday. In a year in which even the major chains alone have closed around 6,000 stores, with Mothercare set to follow, no one's expecting a Black Friday boom."

Or ... Boom, boom, boom, boom, I'm gonna shoot you right down ... as the late, great John Lee Hooker would say.

Yeah, yeah. Black Friday is dead, man.



Anything else? Music? My music? Sure! Why not? I don't mind discussing music, my music, on this financial blog, my dear kook(s). Christ. / Listen! I have very high hopes for recording my demo before Christmas. 'Nice one!' I sound "professional" now, and that's all I want or need. 'You don't want to be the greatest ever singer, Mikey? Or the greatest ever guitarist? Come on!' No, Voice. No, no, no. As Clint Eastwood says in Magnum Force, A good man always knows his limitations. 'Oh, right.' I'm just going to be the greatest ever songwriter, that's all. That's enough for me. 'Er ... very nice one!' Of course. And I just need to hold shit together in my life, man, for, uh ... two months, tops. You dig? 'Yeah.' Then ... I will rock, and ... I will roll. 'Roll as well?!' You better believe it, baby!

[No more updates. I'm serious.]