Monday, 25 November 2019


What's that? ... you may be wondering to yourself on a cold Monday morning in winter. 'Ha! Mugs, boss!' Yes, Voice.

Ain't you got nothing better to wonder about, dear reader(s)? Maybe you're like Van Morrison and you don't wonder about anything at all. You just dig it all. I don't know. I can't even imagine what's it like with you. That's the truth.

Anyway ...

NEW YORK, LONDON AND TEL AVIV, 20 November 2019 - Capitolis, the innovative FinTech company reimagining and reshaping how the global capital markets operate, is pleased to announce the successful completion of its Series B round of $40 million, led by Spark Capital and SVB Capital. Existing investors, Index Ventures, Sequoia Capital and S Capital also participated in the round, bringing the total capital raised to date to $70 million. The investment will support Capitolis' next phase of rapid growth, including the expansion of its technology platform, functionality and product offering.

Uh. They didn't mention PECKHAM. 'How old is this PR email, boss?' Guess. Go on! 'Five days?' Yes. Well done, son! You win a biscuit ... idiot!

Capitolis has a vision of efficient and safe global markets, achieved by connecting participants through a technology platform to provide maximum capital efficiency and optimization. By utilizing proprietary technology, Capitolis has developed a platform through which financial institutions are able to collaborate, reduce capital utilization, and find the most attractive sources of capital, resulting in higher returns on capital and greater liquidity in global markets.

Well, it sounds all right, I suppose. But what do I know? 'You know ... NOTHING - !!! Ha, ha, ha!' Yes, ha, ha, ha! I know nothing, and I'm not complaining. There is great power in ... NOTHING - !!! 'Great wisdom, too.' Obviously.

Capitolis was founded in 2016 by Gil Mandelzis, the founder of Sequoia-backed fintech company Traiana (acquired by ICAP) and former CEO of EBS BrokerTec, the electronic markets of division of ICAP plc (now CME Group plc), Tom Glocer, former CEO of Thomson Reuters and Igor Teleshevsky, formerly Executive VP and Head of Technology at Traiana. The company currently has 55 employees in New York City, London and Tel Aviv.

Okay, okay. Let's, uh ... go to the voices. 'To me? You want a quote from me? Okay. In less than a year -' Shut up, Voice! For Christ's sake! / Listen, dear reader(s)! I can get the staff, oh, I can, BUT(!) ... the staff are no good. They're useless.

Come on, Gil, mate ...

Gil Mandelzis, CEO of Capitolis said, "In less than a year, Capitolis' platform has been adopted by many of the world's leading banks and hedge funds and is creating very meaningful resource benefits. Capitolis' technology has already eliminated trillions of dollars of transactions notional to date, and with the new investments from Spark and SVB Capital, development is underway to expand the functionality and platform further. With our exceptional and growing team and strong appetite for our solutions, we are confident that our technology will be further adopted by institutions around the world."

Institutions? Great! Let's just hope they're not mental institutions, Gil. Do you know what I mean? 'Gil knows, boss.' Oh, I hope so.

Jesus H. - !!! 'What?' How many ... how many voices are there? 'Hang on a minute. Let me count. Uh, six.' Six?! 'Are you going to do all of them?' No. No, I'm not. This is a music blog, man. I don't want finance voices all over it.

Actually ... ha, ha, ha! 'What?' No, let's have Tom first -

Tom Glocer, Executive Chairman of Capitolis said, "It is very gratifying to us that some of the world's most successful investors have chosen to back our vision for safer, more efficient and more profitable capital markets leveraging Capitolis technology. We now have the funding, the management team, and the core customer adoption to grow Capitolis into a major industry infrastructure and force."

Right. Okay. Dear reader(s) ... do you remember Jan Hammer from the Eighties? 'Didn't he do the music for Miami Vice, boss?' Yes, he did. I think he had a few hits. Well, it seems he works in finance now ...

Jan Hammer, Partner at Index Ventures said, "Capitolis has developed a marketplace for institutional capital where supply and demand meet. By connecting all the parties in the market more efficiently, Capitolis removes bottlenecks that are limiting the flow of capital. The response from leading banks and other financial players has shown a growing need for such a platform, and we're excited to continue to support the team as they scale."

So, uh ... 'Is that the same Jan Hammer? Really?' Er ... I don't know. Probably not. 'Ha! It might be.' Yeah, it might be.

ANYTHING is possible in this crazy world.


So, anything else? Music? Listen - if you're a musician! You need world-beaters for acoustic demos, man. Anything less won't guarantee a deal. / Live Forever is a world-beater. If an unknown singer/songwriter put this on Twitter, he would get a recording contract within a  month. That's my theory, anyway. Don't risk rejection, kook(s)!

By the way, Noel is cheating a bit on that recording. 'Eh? Why?' There are at least two guitars on it. 'Oh.' Yes. / Oh ... ignore the coughing on it, kook(s), and the other background noises. A demo should be cleaner than that, really. 'But you're a neurotic perfectionist, Mikey!' Yes, yes. Of course. Not everyone is like me.