Thursday, 28 November 2019


Christ! Man, I don't know anything about mortgages. And I doubt I'll ever get one. 'Ha! No one would give you one, boss.' That's true. I'm practically a deadbeat.

But it doesn't matter. Listen! I'm going to pay CASH - !!! ... for my big house in Malibu. 'Nice one!' Yeah. I won't be messing around, Voice, dear reader(s). Not once I've hit the big time. You dig?

The Nottingham launches new system for brokers providing faster service and enhanced capability.

Right. PR email, obviously. And, uh ... no endorsement, of course. Because ... what do I know about mortgages? 'Nothing!' And what do I want to know about mortgages? 'Nothing!' Yeah, yeah. I've still got to do this email though. What a life!

The Nottingham For Intermediaries has unveiled a new online portal for brokers, offering an improved user experience, streamlined processes and faster turnaround times. The new system was created using Salesforce technology and taking on board feedback from brokers.

Oh, by the way, kook(s), listen! ... they approached me the right way, these Nottingham characters. I mean, they just sent me the email. They didn't ask me to tell them, Christ! ... if it's something I'm interested in writing about. I mean, I was going to do this other PR email, but then ... the awful PR guy wanted to know, you know? 'What, boss? What did he want to know?' He wanted to know what I would be writing. 'Ha, ha, ha! What a joker!' I don't want people looking over my shoulder, man. That sort of thing gives me the creeps.

Anyway ...

Brokers can register in less than four minutes and perform a Decision in Principle (DIP), including electronic ID and verification and credit score, in under seven minutes. That can be converted into a Full Mortgage Application, and submitted, in less than ten minutes, which includes the paying of any fees and uploading of documents.

Okay, okay. It sounds all right, I suppose, but, uh ... what do I know? 'Nothing!' Exactly. So, no endorsement, dear reader(s).

Right. Right. I've got two voices here who want to speak now. I'm only going with one of them. 'Nikki, boss!' All right. / Come on, girl!

Head of Mortgage Intermediaries Nikki Warren-Dean says: "We're really pleased to share the new portal with our broker network as they helped us create it. Thanks to their feedback and suggestions, we have been able to work with our technology partner Salesforce to deliver a system built around them. We pride ourselves on listening to our partners, both with the products we offer and the service we provide so it's great to be able to bring them the new portal which, combined with our direct access to underwriters, simplifies and enhances the application journey."

Thanks, Nikki. Why you're so pleased, really ... I have no idea. But it's your life. I won't judge you.

Some people just love mortgages.


Anything else? Music? My music? I'm hoping I'll be able to record the four songs for my new demo ... in one night. When? Soon. And I'm hoping I'll be able to get each song in two or three takes. That should be possible with the skills I have now. / Oh ... and I think I'll tolerate some mistakes and background noises. Oh yes. Think Beatles, dear reader(s). Not Steely Dan.