Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Philippe Allain, Mourad Jridi, Yemi Oshodi, and Rudy Sanchez ...

... all working on a new desk in New Jersey for inter-dealer broker Tullett Prebon. A risk arbitrage desk which will focus on mergers and acquisitions, if you can believe that. Can you believe that? Philippe Allain will be the managing director leading the desk.

How on earth will all these characters fit on to one desk?

I have been speaking to Mr Allain. This is what he spake unto me: 'Mr Fowke, I am eager to bring my past experience in risk arbitrage to advance the breadth and depth of Tullett Prebon's equity offerings. By offering this strategy to current and prospective clients, Tullett Prebon can now position itself as an inter-dealer broker offering a very competitive array of global strategies and products, while continuing to expand its presence in North America. (Phil, man, cut the crap. Let's get to the heart of the matter. How will you and your team all fit on to one desk?) Mikey, that's a good question. To be honest with you, we won't actually be sitting on the desk. We can afford chairs at Tullett Prebon, you know. (Now, don't get smart with me, Philippe, don't get smart with me, you young fuck, I've been sweating blood all morning on this story and I don't want your smart mouth on it. Loyalty does not mean shit a situation like this; I don't know what you and them are up to, and I do not care, but only you come clean with me.) Michael, are you paraphrasing David Mamet? (Yeah.) Thought so. Look, the desk is an astral desk, all right? (Well, why didn't you say so? You could have saved us all this grief.) Mikey, I can't go around telling all and sundry about no fucking astral desks at Tullett Prebon! What would people think? (Phil, you can't tell me? After years of friendship, you can't tell me? How many years we been friends?) Mikey, there's business and there's friendship.'

Years of fucking friendship count for nothing! Years! I don't know how many years, but a long fucking time. And I get treated like this!

Anyway, it's an astral desk they're using. That explains everything.