Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Will Tidjane Thiam receive a bonus this year?

Someone wants to know if the fire still burns within Tidjane Thiam after his failed bid for AIA cost Prudential shareholders £300 million.

I want to know if Mr Thiam will receive a bonus this year.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Big Herb -

O financial shamans, money mystics, ghosts of the dead financiers, mystical children all over the world, listen to me: There is no mystic fire within Tidjane Thiam. The fire has died. He has sinned against money. If Prudential pay him a bonus this year, I will take the bonus and throw it into the pit on the lowest level of the astral plane, and I will throw Tidjane Thiam into the pit. There he will suffer with his money, in the company of demons, scary monsters, super creeps, various squares, and Jack Pickles, and Satan. Oh, in the pit, there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth! The bonus will be taken by Jack Pickles, and it will become ashes, for that is all Jack can do with money. Then Tidjane will be taken into the dark fire of Satan. Yes, he will have fire again! But it will be the hellish fire that destroys souls. Tidjane will be reduced to ashes. This is what happens if you fail me. O sinners, look at Tidjane Thiam! He is a marked man!

Wow! I had no idea Big Herb had the power to banish anyone to the pit on the lowest level. I am not sure Jack Pickles will go along with it, myself. But let's see what happens.

Tidjane, mate, if you're reading this, it might be a good idea to refuse any bonus you are offered. You probably don't know much about Big Herb, but he is a genuine money god, and he is seriously pissed at you. So don't make things worse for yourself. Remember: The worst is not, so long as we can say 'This is the worst.'