Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Jupiter is launching three new funds this year!

Wow! Three new funds! At least! 'You mean there might be more, boss?' Well, maybe, Voice. What do I know? And how would I know? 'You could look into the future.' Ha! Let's concentrate on what we know RIGHT NOW(!). 'Okay.' The three funds will be: the Asian Income fund, an "international" version of the Absolute Return fund, and a global environmental or ecology fund - as if we need one of those. 'Great!' Yes, and there's more good news. 'What's that?' AUM has gone mental, man! 'Tell us!' £35.7 billion! 'Amazing! They can afford to give you some now.' Oh, in my dreams. / And there's even more good news. 'Christ! This is off the hook, this is! What else?' I wrote the best thirty seconds of music I have yesterday. [Adapted from Sunday, actually.] I mean, my best thirty seconds, you dig? I'm really pleased with it. 'And ... how is this relevant?' Pardon? 'We're talking about finance, Mikey. We're talking about Jupiter Asset Management - or whatever they're called. They have exciting news. New funds, more AUM. But all you can think about is spoiling their big moment.' Well ... I, er - 'Shame on you, man! Shame on you!' Oh, don't be like that! For fuck's sake!



Voice? / Voice? / Come on, man.

Jesus! Can you believe this guy, dear reader(s)? He's gone! Like he cares about Jupiter or any of these firms. Jupiter could go out of business and Voice wouldn't even notice. Now he's all offended on their behalf. And we always talk about music, anyway. It's practically a music blog these days. What a total prick! What the hell is his problem? 'Ha!' Voice? 'I had you going! Ha, ha, ha!' Oh, you bastard. 'Oh yeah, I'm really upset about Jupiter. New funds, more AUM. Why are you spoiling their big moment? Ha!' You bloody bastard!

What a bastard, eh, reader(s)? / 'Is there anything else, boss?' No, not really. I'll be starting a conceptual after lunch. 'No. 394?' I wouldn't be surprised. Straight after No. 393, like. 'How many more of these things are you going to write?' Well, there's still such a strong demand for them. I can't make them fast enough. However, I really want to cut down to one a week, which I will soon. 'That may upset a few characters, Mikey.' Well, being a leader, a top shaman, is about making the tough decisions, man.