Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Yet again Jupiter has got more AUM ... (but less profit this time)

Never mind, eh? It happens to the best of them. At least they've got all that lovely AUM. That's the main thing.

Yeah, AUM is up to £33.1 billion. 'Wow! That's a lot of money, Mikey.' Oh yeah. It's up 4 per cent, Voice. 'That's all right.' But profit is down 18 per cent. 'Jesus!' Don't get upset. They have an explanation. Or at least that Maarten Slendebroek does. (Martin, actually. I refuse to call him Maarten. It's so pretentious. If your name is "Martin", live with it, yeah?) He says it's because of a sale of an arm or something. 'What?! Who sold their arm?!' I don't know. Some lunatic at Jupiter. The whole lot of them are eccentrics. How it affects profit though I can't imagine. Maybe it's an excuse, rather than an explanation.

[It's a crazy world we're living in, dear reader(s) ...]

Oh, you won't believe this, man. 'What?' Martin Slendebroek reckons they have an "organic growth story" at Jupiter. 'Ha! Where did they get that?' Made it up, I suppose, Voice. 'Christ.' But - get this - they want shareholders to be a part of it. 'Yeah? Oh, that's good. I'm glad, boss. Because a lot of these firms are very selfish, you know. I mean, if you're a shareholder, and you want to participate in an absurd story they've got going, you'll often find that your average asset manager will tell you to piss off.' Well, Jupiter are different, son. It's all the financial shamans that work there. Unique culture.


Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich. I couldn't resist. I know I shouldn't buy them, but I'm weak.

After lunch? A conceptual. No. 237. I'll do something on profit. Cheer the guys up a bit.

Laters ...