Lawrence Herzing has been charged with wire fraud

'Who is Lawrence Herzing?!' Man, Lawrence Herzing is some cat over in America who used to work for Contrarian Capital Management. He was the controller. 'And what is Contrarian Capital?' Christ, Voice! Please! Er, well ... established in 1995 by Jon Bauer, Janice Stanton, and Gil Tenzer, Contrarian is a distressed investing specialist. Are you happy now? 'It's the readers that matter, boss.'

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. I always struggle with the third post on a Thursday. Er ... / 'Come on, Mikey! You can do it. How much money did Lawrence get?' The authorities claim he transferred $12 million to himself from the hedge fund. 'What does Lawrence say about it?' I don't know. Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding. 'Yeah.' It will all come out in court, I'm sure.

...

Pub tomorrow. I haven't been for three weeks because of the flu. I'm over it now.

Writing this blog, playing the guitar ... I don't know where I get the energy from. I'm practically a superman!

I'll do some recording this weekend. I mean, enough is enough! The recordings don't have to be perfect. They just have to seem reasonably professional. I think my guitar playing is up to the required level. I can't practice forever.

But I'm not making any promises ...

[No. 264] Xiaoyu Liu

Or Liu Xiaoyu?

And ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[1], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[2], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[2], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![1], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[2], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[1], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![2], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[1], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[2], and this ... is the best escape[1], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[2], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[1], and this ... is the best escape[2], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[1], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[2], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![1], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[2], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[1], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![2], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[1], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[2], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[1], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[2], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[1], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[2], and this ... is magic time, forever[1], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[2], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[2], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[3], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[3], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![3], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[3], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[3], and this ... is the best escape[3], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[3], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[3], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![3], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[3], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[3], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[3], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[3], and

And ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[1], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[2], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[2], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![1], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[2], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[1], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![2], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[1], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[2], and this ... is the best escape[1], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[2], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[1], and this ... is the best escape[2], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[1], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[2], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![1], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[2], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[1], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![2], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[1], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[2], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[1], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[2], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[1], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[2], and this ... is magic time, forever[1], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[2], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[2], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[3], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[3], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![3], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[3], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[3], and this ... is the best escape[3], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[3], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[3], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![3], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[3], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[3], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[3], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[3], and

And ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[1], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[2], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[1], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[2], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![1], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[2], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[1], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![2], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[1], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[2], and this ... is the best escape[1], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[2], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[1], and this ... is the best escape[2], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[1], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[2], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![1], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[2], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[1], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![2], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[1], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[2], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[1], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[2], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[1], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[2], and this ... is magic time, forever[1], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[2], and ... / Are you here, Xiaoyu?[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[2], and Liu, mate, people will try to put us down just because we get a-ROUND / 'Ain't that the truth!'[3], and ... / Are you here - yes! / and is it better than "working" at Aviva Investors?[3], and getting back in touch?! / Oh, you're much nicer than that Stephen Smethurst![3], and I'm pretty sure you're a man[3], and a-ROUND we go, a-ROUND, a-ROUND we go - are you DIZZY yet?[3], and this ... is the best escape[3], and ... I undertake company visits, conference calls, build models, and forecast returns ... Oh, we don't need to know, son[3], and no one cares ... as you'll soon find out[3], and who are YOU(!)? COME ON!!![3], and this ... is the escape you're going to be stuck with, I'm afraid / However, I have to say it's better than "work"[3], and nobody wants any answers from you, Liu / It's only a game ...[3], and ... / Are YOU(!) ... brave enough to head beyond the THREE?[3], and your new colleagues are in the pub getting drunk with different fish, man! / shame about JPMorgan[3], and this ... is magic time, forever[3], and

Xiaoyu Liu has joined Aviva Investors

Yeah. And I have no idea why. Xiaoyu has left a perfectly good job at JPMorgan Asset Management to do ... whatever they do at Aviva Investors. 'Xiaoyu is going to get involved in some emerging markets stuff, boss.' Emerging markets?! Well, that rings alarm bells already. Why would Aviva Investors be interested in emerging markets? 'Maybe they think it gives the impression they're taking an interest in what's going on in the world.' Eh? 'I mean, if they're in the pub all day, they can leave Xiaoyu in the office, doing what he does, and -' Oh, we don't know it's a man, do we? Xiaoyu probably is a man, but I'm no good with these Chinese names. 'What else could he be, Mikey?' Well, one of those other ones ...

It doesn't bear thinking about. /  Asia Equity Income fund, Emerging Markets Equity Income fund, Emerging Market Small Cap fund ... NO! They must think we were born yesterday.

Now, if Xiaoyu were working at Schroders ... it would be a different matter. That's something we could believe in. 'If we dig a bit deeper, boss, we'll probably find that Schroders is managing all the funds anyway.' Yeah, same old story. I can't be bothered with it though. / I'm not even having a go at Aviva Investors, really, dear reader(s). I just wish they would be a bit more honest, you know? I mean, Euan Munro should just say to everyone, clients, reporters: We ain't managing no fucking funds, man, or doing any fucking work at all. We've got more money than we need, and we're happy in the pub. Deal with it! Not only would people respect that, but other financial firms would follow their example. 'Yeah. Then we could create a more beautiful world.' Of course we could, Voice! It's the next logical step.

...

Never mind. / I suppose I'll be taking Xiaoyu Liu for a spin after lunch. I've got nothing else to do.

[No. 263] You say you want a revolution ...

You can count me in, or out.

And guess what ...[1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[1], and guess what ...[2], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[2], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![1], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![2], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[1], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![2], and the 1 per cent have enough[1], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[2], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[1], and the 1 per cent have enough[2], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[1], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[2], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[1], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[2], and we're going back ...[1], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[2], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[1], and we're going back ...[2], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[1], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[2], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[1], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[2], and ... astral years, for all of us[1], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[2], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[1], and ... astral years, for all of us[2], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![1], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[2], and as soon as you're born ...[1], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![2], and guess what ...[3], and as soon as you're born ...[2], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[3], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![3], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![3], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[3], and the 1 per cent have enough[3], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[3], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[3], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[3], and we're going back ...[3], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[3], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[3], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[3], and ... astral years, for all of us[3], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[3], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![3], and as soon as you're born ...[3], and

And guess what ...[1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[1], and guess what ...[2], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[2], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![1], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![2], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[1], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![2], and the 1 per cent have enough[1], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[2], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[1], and the 1 per cent have enough[2], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[1], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[2], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[1], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[2], and we're going back ...[1], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[2], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[1], and we're going back ...[2], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[1], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[2], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[1], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[2], and ... astral years, for all of us[1], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[2], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[1], and ... astral years, for all of us[2], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![1], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[2], and as soon as you're born ...[1], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![2], and guess what ...[3], and as soon as you're born ...[2], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[3], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![3], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![3], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[3], and the 1 per cent have enough[3], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[3], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[3], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[3], and we're going back ...[3], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[3], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[3], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[3], and ... astral years, for all of us[3], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[3], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![3], and as soon as you're born ...[3], and

And guess what ...[1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[1], and guess what ...[2], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![1], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[2], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![1], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![2], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[1], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![2], and the 1 per cent have enough[1], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[2], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[1], and the 1 per cent have enough[2], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[1], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[2], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[1], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[2], and we're going back ...[1], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[2], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[1], and we're going back ...[2], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[1], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[2], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[1], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[2], and ... astral years, for all of us[1], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[2], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[1], and ... astral years, for all of us[2], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![1], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[2], and as soon as you're born ...[1], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![2], and guess what ...[3], and as soon as you're born ...[2], and we're still getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / 'We love it, man!'[3], and ... / We are genuine revolvers![3], and ... / EVERYTHING(!!!) ... you've been told by the slave masters is ... NONSENSE!!![3], and if you want MONEY for people with minds that HATE ... I feel sorry for you[3], and the 1 per cent have enough[3], and some of YOU(!) may wonder ... 'Oh, oh, do they need to get all a-ROUND and DIZZY?'[3], and I'm ... so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... a-ROUND and DIZZY[3], and I want YOU(!) to dig it all and not to wonder why / 'What? Like Van Morrison, Mikey?' Yeah, man, just like Van the MAN[3], and we're going back ...[3], and you better FREE your mind ... / So, get more than THREE, you dig?[3], and ... wah, wah? 'Oh yeah! Some Jimi!'[3], and some sunshine of my love, for you, with a riff that never gets old? 'Yes please!'[3], and ... astral years, for all of us[3], and John Lennon got lucky, and John Lennon won the pools ...[3], and sometimes the masters allow someone to entertain the slaves ... 'So let me entertain you!' NO![3], and as soon as you're born ...[3], and

Carl Icahn says the Taj Mahal will close this year

Pretty depressing ... / And Carl's absolutely gutted about it because the Taj Mahal is his favourite Indian restaurant. Carl told a reporter: "I'm distraught. I visit the Taj Mahal at least three times a week. I was even thinking about buying the place. Have you tried their chicken madras? Well, you should try it, man. It's out of this world! Mr Patel is a nice guy, but I think he's taken his eye off the ball. The restaurant is losing money. And they owe me money, by the way. I lent Mr Patel a few thousand dollars back in March. I'll never see that again. So, it's sad. Even Gordon Ramsay wouldn't be able to save the place. I'm afraid it will close before Christmas."

Well, yeah ... I know how Carl feels. When my nearest chip shop closed down last year I was really upset. They used to do these massive chips which were actually cut from the potato in the shop, you know? They didn't get them out of a bag in the freezer. Unfortunately, you never knew when the shop would be open. They didn't keep regular hours. It was like a hobby to them. They had a big relaunch at one point. However, no one turned up. And then they went out of business about a month later. / Still, there are other good chip shops in my area. It's not the greatest tragedy of all times or anything.

...

Other news? Oh, man, did you see David Cameron the other day, shouting and screaming on the TV, and banging his fists, his face bright red? Sure, he has a point about the £1.7 billion that the Eurofreaks are asking for, but I was like ... No, please, Dave, be quiet. People all around the world are watching you, for Christ's sake! / Do you know what I mean, dear reader(s)? It was so fucking embarrassing! Statesman?! Jesus! There's a three-legged cat in my street that would make a better statesman. 'Statescat, boss!' Yeah, whatever.

Daniel Barach is launching a new hedge fund!

This guy never gives up! Danny had an old hedge fund, MLT Capital, which went out of business in 2008. It was very upsetting and Danny actually joined a cult for five years. 'A cult?!' Yeah. For spiritual reflection, Voice, or to lose himself, I don't know. 'Christ!' Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Or one of the space people, aliens. 'Eh?' / But now he's back! 'Great! / In black?' What? 'Is he back in black, Mikey?' Well, I'm looking at his LinkedIn profile. I think he's wearing a black suit. A white shirt though. 'Oh. / Was he really in a cult?' No. I was only joking, man. 'You're a funny guy, boss.' I know.

Anyway, Danny's new fund is called Turnaround Stocks. He's hoping he'll be able to help folks in Cincinnati with it. 'Why?' Because he's from Cincinnati. 'Yeah, but why does he want to help people?' I don't know. He's just that sort of guy, I suppose. A humanitarian, like me.

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), the minimum investment is $500,000. So, no bums please. 'He wants to help rich people, then?' What's your problem, Voice?! 'I ain't got no problem. I'm just trying to understand what Mr Barach is doing.' He's launching a new hedge fund! And it's none of your business, you little idiot!

My apologies, Danny, if you're reading this. I'm sure you know how difficult it is to find good staff these days.

...

Well, the end of another week, eh? Yeah, it's the end of another week. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...

[No. 262] Tony Lanning, drunken boat extraordinaire!

We've got to admire our Tony, jumping into No. 262 like this - as an actual drunken boat! Very risky behaviour!

And here he is![1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![1], and here he is![2], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![2], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![1], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[2], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[1], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![2], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![1], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[2], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![1], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![2], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[1], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![2], and panthers in the skins of men?![1], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[2], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[1], and panthers in the skins of men?![2], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[1], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[2], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[1], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[2], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![1], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[2], and I feel like ... crying a bit[1], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![2], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[1], and I feel like ... crying a bit[2], and here he is![3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[2], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![3], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[3], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![3], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[3], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![3], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![3], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[3], and panthers in the skins of men?![3], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[3], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[3], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[3], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![3], and I feel like ... crying a bit[3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[3], and

And here he is![1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![1], and here he is![2], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![2], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![1], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[2], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[1], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![2], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![1], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[2], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![1], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![2], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[1], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![2], and panthers in the skins of men?![1], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[2], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[1], and panthers in the skins of men?![2], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[1], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[2], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[1], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[2], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![1], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[2], and I feel like ... crying a bit[1], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![2], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[1], and I feel like ... crying a bit[2], and here he is![3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[2], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![3], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[3], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![3], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[3], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![3], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![3], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[3], and panthers in the skins of men?![3], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[3], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[3], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[3], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![3], and I feel like ... crying a bit[3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[3], and

And here he is![1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![1], and here he is![2], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[1], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![2], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![1], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[2], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[1], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![2], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![1], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[2], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![1], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![2], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[1], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![2], and panthers in the skins of men?![1], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[2], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[1], and panthers in the skins of men?![2], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[1], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[2], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[1], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[2], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![1], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[2], and I feel like ... crying a bit[1], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![2], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[1], and I feel like ... crying a bit[2], and here he is![3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[2], and lighter than cork, he revolves upon waves that roll the dead forever in the deep? Er ... YES! That's our Tony![3], and like, er, a duck to water, certainly[3], and a-ROUND the waves here through the wild splash and surging of the tides, we are here ... too![3], and Rimbaud would be spinning if he were with us, not in his grave[3], and washed in vomit and stained with blue wine, our Tony? Not on a working day, surely?![3], and we have seen what others have only dreamed they saw![3], and Tony never thought the bright feet of Mary could muzzle up the heavy-breathing waves! 'Fair enough, boss'[3], and panthers in the skins of men?![3], and Tony likes to bathe in black perfume, just like the giant serpents! 'Whatever floats his boat!'[3], and silver suns, waves of pearl, fiery skies ...[3], and a-ROUND, again, and again, a-ROUND, so exhausting ... / at least Rimbaud's had an ending ...[3], and ... / ... oh, a-ROUND![3], and I feel like ... crying a bit[3], and it's true, Tony has cried too much ... maybe he'll sink in the sea 'And give us all a rest, eh?'[3], and

Tony Lanning loves risk!

Is anyone surprised? / Well, the cruel rocks gored Tony Lanning, like the horns of an angry bull ... Do you remember that, dear reader(s)? Oh, it were years ago. Henderson and the wreck of the Gartmore. Terrible times! But Tony has moved on. Yes, recovered, and moved on. He's at J.P. Morgan Asset Management now, working as some sort of fusion multi-manager or something. Well, it's his life.

Anyway, Tony has developed a taste for risk. 'Of course he has, Mikey! I mean, wouldn't you, out there, on the cruel sea?' Cruel rocks, Voice. 'The sea was cruel as well, wasn't it? What with that bloody hurricane and all. I quote - Then up and spake an old sailor, had sailed the Spanish Main, "I pray thee, put into yonder port, for I fear a hurricane." Remember?' Yes, I remember, Voice. We all remember. It was a dreadful episode. Tony was lucky to survive it.

But let's concentrate on Tony's new love of risk. He says he's not worried about volatility in the markets. He sees the markets as a cruel sea we shouldn't fear. 'Well, that's only natural, boss.' Yes. And he ain't worried about no rocks, you know. Not this time. 'Is he a drunken boat?' I wouldn't say that, Voice. He is fearless though.

Actually, Voice, you've given me an idea. 'What?' After lunch I can take Tony for a spin in a drunken boat. No, I mean, he will be the drunken boat, himself, yeah? 'Like Rimbaud.' Well, Rimbaud and Fowke together. Kindred spirits! A drunken boat ... in a conceptual post! 'That's a brilliant idea, Mikey!' Thanks, man. 'It's my idea.' Half of it is. You can't take all the credit.

...

Give me a minute ...

I've just been looking through my archive, reader(s). I've mentioned The Drunken Boat before in a conceptual, and even rewrote it (sort of) in a conventional post. It doesn't matter. You can't have too many drunken boats, can you?

So, that's the afternoon sorted. What a life, eh?

[No. 261] I don't know if you are loving some body ...

I only know it isn't mine.

And it's none of my business, I suppose ...[1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![1], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[2], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![2], and nothing material[1], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![2], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[1], and nothing material[2], and the drums, the drums![1], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[2], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[1], and the drums, the drums![2], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[1], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[2], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[1], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[2], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[1], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[2], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[1], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[2], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[1], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[2], and our bodies don't matter, man![1], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[2], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[1], and our bodies don't matter, man![2], and we can be more than THREE[1], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[2], and ... we will get happy![1], and we can be more than THREE[2], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[1], and ... we will get happy![2], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[2], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![3], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![3], and nothing material[3], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[3], and the drums, the drums![3], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[3], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[3], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[3], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[3], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[3], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[3], and our bodies don't matter, man![3], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[3], and we can be more than THREE[3], and ... we will get happy![3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[3], and

And it's none of my business, I suppose ...[1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![1], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[2], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![2], and nothing material[1], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![2], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[1], and nothing material[2], and the drums, the drums![1], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[2], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[1], and the drums, the drums![2], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[1], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[2], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[1], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[2], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[1], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[2], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[1], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[2], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[1], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[2], and our bodies don't matter, man![1], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[2], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[1], and our bodies don't matter, man![2], and we can be more than THREE[1], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[2], and ... we will get happy![1], and we can be more than THREE[2], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[1], and ... we will get happy![2], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[2], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![3], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![3], and nothing material[3], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[3], and the drums, the drums![3], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[3], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[3], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[3], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[3], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[3], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[3], and our bodies don't matter, man![3], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[3], and we can be more than THREE[3], and ... we will get happy![3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[3], and

And it's none of my business, I suppose ...[1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![1], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[2], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![1], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![2], and nothing material[1], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![2], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[1], and nothing material[2], and the drums, the drums![1], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[2], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[1], and the drums, the drums![2], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[1], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[2], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[1], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[2], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[1], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[2], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[1], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[2], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[1], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[2], and our bodies don't matter, man![1], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[2], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[1], and our bodies don't matter, man![2], and we can be more than THREE[1], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[2], and ... we will get happy![1], and we can be more than THREE[2], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[1], and ... we will get happy![2], and it's none of my business, I suppose ...[3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[2], and maybe Coltrane, a supreme love, would be better ... something spiritual![3], and ... / let's not be all ... all depressed, eh? / we only need to get a-ROUND here to get our kicks / and we can get happy![3], and nothing material[3], and there's no need to mention money / this isn't costing you a penny, my friend(s)[3], and the drums, the drums![3], and fingers ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, making a crazy sound[3], and whatever enters my head is fine by me / and I save the best bits for here[3], and finance is work and work is pain and it goes on for no reason that anyone knows[3], and whatever I say makes sense when we're DIZZY / and words are a disease[3], and there's never any excuse ... for being lonely, no! / not a-ROUND here ...[3], and we're all friends ... here, yes! / and a-ROUND we go, no bodies, nothing holding us back[3], and our bodies don't matter, man![3], and it's our minds that get us a-ROUND / and it's a release, really, a sort of freedom[3], and we can be more than THREE[3], and ... we will get happy![3], and I used to be disgusted  / and now I try to be amused[3], and

Dick Hodges will be working for Nomura Asset Management soon

Yeah, yeah ... er, next month. 'Great!' Yeah. I have no idea who he is though, and I'm not in the mood for finance this morning, so I'm just going to go through the motions, if you don't mind, dear reader(s). 'Have you looked at his LinkedIn profile, boss?' Yes. 'And you're not excited?!' No. 'There's a nice picture of him in his house.' Ha! The house is falling down, Voice. It's all lopsided. Subsidence, or whatever. 'Well, maybe Nomura will pay him enough to get it fixed.' It should be condemned! Not even my house is that bad, for Christ's sake! Did he think anyone would be impressed?

Well, well ... er, this Dick Hodges used to work at Legal & General Investment Management. He's some sort of bond star, or so they say. 'And you're still not excited?!' No. I couldn't care less. I never saw Dick Hodges in the desert in the old days. I never saw him in astral flames. So, bond star? It means nothing to me, I'm afraid. 'You're in a funny mood, Mikey.' I know.

Oh God. / It goes without saying that I wish Mr Hodges all the best in his new role at his new firm. 'Really?' Yes.

(Yes, I wish him all the best. Oh, I have to say that, dear reader(s). You're a regular. You know how I am. But some casual internet surfer might think I'm a bastard for having no enthusiasm for this stranger's career.)

...

Anything else? Well ... I'm listening to Elvis Costello's King of America. The songs seem to be high quality, but there aren't any classics that stand out, like Alison. / I suppose Costello is lucky to have a handful of classics. Most artists don't, these days. And that's why I spent a couple of years writing just three songs for my demo. They're written now, but not recorded (except for one of them.) And that's why I'm spending so long improving my guitar playing. You need classics, man. / When I tried to make it when I was younger, my shit wasn't good enough. And if your shit's not good enough, you have to take shit from shits, you dig? I'm too old for all that ...

Lunch? Yes, I'm having lunch.

Inequality has always been dangerous for the poor

Not the obsession with inequality, but inequality itself. / It must be dangerous for the rich now though, otherwise we wouldn't get posts like this over at City A.M. Who is this Ryan Bourne writing for? The rich, obviously. Well, I'm sure they'll find his article a great comfort when the mobs with the pitchforks and torches turn up at their front doors. The poor don't need to be told how dangerous inequality is. If you're poor, you live in an area where you have to run the gauntlet of muggers every day. And you eat shit food which shortens your life. You have no money for emergencies, unexpected bills. And you know the rest, dear reader(s). (If you don't, use your imagination.) However, it's the obsession with inequality that upsets Ryan. Yes, he wants everyone to stop talking about it. 'Ha!' If we stop talking about it the mobs will stay on their inner city housing estates, only harming each other. But if we keep talking about it ... 'Oh no, they're coming!' ... the mobs might get ideas, man! They might start leaving their estates/ghettoes and start wandering over to nice areas like Kensington, Chelsea, Mayfair ... 'Hey blud, fancy a day trip?' All right, Voice, that's enough. You're not a thug 4 life. / Where was I? 'The mobs, wandering.' Oh yeah. That's when inequality will become seriously dangerous. Not the obsession with inequality, but the actual thing. That's why Ryan wants everyone to shut up about it. 'So he writes about it!' Well, maybe he thinks he's having the last word - who knows?

...

Music? Oh, I'm listening to The Very Best of Cream. A lot of the songs are a bit lame, so it's not total cream. 'Ha!' But there's some great stuff on it, like Sunshine of Your Love. (Robert De Niro standing at the bar with a cigarette, murder on his mind.) Badge. (Kevin Costner throwing darts at a picture of himself.) And then there is Clapton's guitar playing, of course.

Guitar? My guitar? Well, I find I can play lead pretty smoothly now after only warming up for thirty minutes or so. Just five or six weeks ago, I had to play for at least three hours to get that smoothness. / There won't be any lead on my demo though. All rhythm! I've still got to get my songs right, man.

Lunch? My lunch? I don't know. What are you having, reader(s)? A Pot Noodle?

Laters.

Carson Block is thinking about starting a hedge fund

'Again?!' Yeah, seriously. He seems a bit confused though. 'Ha! Boss, Carson Block is totally confused. He's always talking about starting a hedge fund, but he'll never do it.' No, Voice. He will do it. And soon. He's serious this time. However, that's not the confusion in his mind, his soul. 'Oh. What's the confusion, then?' Well, I tried speaking to him about his plans. I phoned him yesterday. But I couldn't get any sense out of him. 'I told you! He'll never do it!' He will, man. Carson will start a hedge fund. It's just ... 'What?!' Okay, okay. Voice, reader(s), you'll have to judge for yourselves ...

From our phone conversation yesterday: 'Mikey, I've never felt this good, son! (Great! I guess you're excited about the hedge fund, yeah?) Hedge fund? No, forget that. I'm the hoochie coochie man. (Eh?) The gypsy woman told my mother ... before I was born ... you got a boy child's comin' ... gonna be a son of a gun ... he's gonna make pretty womens ... jump and - (Carson, mate, what are you going on about?) I'm the hoochie coochie man. (Well, er ... what's that got to do with starting a hedge fund?) Nothing. Listen, Mikey, you're the one who's always saying finance is for squares. I got the blues, man! (Yeah, but -) I got a black bone. (Yeah?) I got a mojo, too. (Oh.) I got the John the Conqueror root. I'm gonna mess with you. (No, please.) Come on, Mikey! Play the game. (No. Christ! Can't you tell me anything about the fund? My readers will want to know. They're serious people, Carson.) But you know I'm him. (Who?!) Everybody knows I'm him! I been all round the world. I was born for good luck. Well, you know ... I'm the hoochie coochie man. Everybody knows!'

I put the phone down after that. Unbelievable! / So, dear reader(s), I'm afraid there's nothing I can tell you about Carson's future hedge fund. 'Ha!' I know it seems unlikely at the moment, but I'm sure he'll get his shit together. Once he's got the blues out of his system ...

Where did Man Group get all this lovely AUM from?!

Just a short post to finish up the week because I'm knackered again, man. And I don't feel well. / Yeah, Man Group. It has more AUM now than it knows what to do with. 'How much AUM, boss?' $72.3 billion. Up 25 per cent or something. 'Yeah, they're buying stuff though, aren't they? Like Numeric and Pine Grove. It's not the same as good old-fashioned honest work.' Maybe not, Voice. Who are we to judge? / 'What about the new financial crisis?' What crisis?! 'Don't you read the news, man?' Not any more, man. I've given it up. The rune stones are enough for me. 'Whatever.' Don't knock it!

...

Oh! Oh! 'What?' I've got Channel Four News on! (Well, what's this crisis, then?) Stephanie Flanders is hiding her necklace. Ha! Tucked it into her dress. That's my influence, that is. 'How?' I had a go at these posh birds with their big trendy necklaces, don't you remember? Specifically, Steph. 'Oh yeah. You're such a card, boss.' I aim to please.

...

I've got a really bad cold. I hope it's nothing more serious. I gotta go, reader(s). Bye!

[No. 260] Some people will believe anything

Personally, I like to believe nothing. It's safer.

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

The economy is not recovering and unemployment is not going down

That's the bad news. The good news is that government ministers have decided to take a pay cut. To show voters that We're all in it together ministers will now get paid a mere £2 an hour. 'What?!' Oh yes. Of course, it won't harm them at all because they're all millionaires. 'That's a shame.' However, I still think it's a nice gesture. They're showing us that they're not lower than vermin, and they're not nasty. (Theresa May and Nye Bevan were wrong!) They're just misunderstood, that's all.

Right, er ... / 'You live in a dream world, you do, boss.' It's better than the real thing, Voice. / Also, in my dream world, the bad news ... the economy is not recovering and unemployment is not going down. 'Total bollocks!' Listen! Unemployment is somewhere around 10 or 12 per cent, I reckon. Maybe 15 per cent. And the economy is totally screwed unless ... you live on a billion dollar yacht. If you're floating around the world's oceans on a billion dollar yacht, the economy is booming - for you. 'What are you talking about, Mikey?! You're not making any sense.' Voice, this is my fantasy, all right? Just leave me alone. If you want the truth, go to one of the square financial websites. They'll tell you that unemployment is only 6 per cent.

Jesus H. Christ! / Do you know who I feel sorry for, dear reader(s)? I'll tell you, man (woman): It's not the downtrodden, the disabled, the sick, the unemployed, the low paid, the workfare slaves. No! It's the bankers and hedgies who are making investment decisions based on information they get from the government and the media. And that probably means ... YOU! / If you believe all the shit that's being pumped out, you've got some serious problems, boy (girl). Serious fucking problems! You're going to end up sleeping under the arches with the rest of us if you're not careful.

[No. 259] If I had $20 million in assets under management ...

You've got to have a dream, man.

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

Where are Vaginak Mkhitaryan and Kim Karapetyan?

Oh dear. Two missing hedgies ... / Everyone's worried about them! Vaginak Mkhitaryan and Kim Karapetyan are lovely guys, by all accounts. But no one knows where they are. They've stopped going into the office, you see. At Blackfield Capital in Russia. Vaginak is the founder of the hedge fund, and Kim is the chief executive. 'Mikey, what about the $20 million in assets under management?' Oh, yeah, er ... the money is missing, too. 'So, you're saying that Vaginak and Kim are missing, and the $20 million they manage is also missing, yeah?' What are you getting at, Voice? Are you trying to suggest some sort of impropriety? 'I just think it's strange, that's all.' Well, keep your nasty little thoughts to yourself! I'm talking about two missing guys here, human beings. Everyone's worried about them. Except you, of course. You've just got filth running through your head! You disgust me sometimes. 'I don't have a head, man. I'm merely a voice, remember?' Shut up! / Can you believe him, dear reader(s)?

...

Let's hope the guys turn up safe and well. Money is only money at the end of the day. Some things are more important ...

Like music! / Music? I'm listening to the Layla album. / Guitar? Yes, there's lots of guitar on the album. 'Your guitar, Mikey!' Oh, my guitar. You want to know about my playing, reader(s)? Well, I did five hours yesterday, which is what Jeff Beck recommends for people who really want to kick ass. Unfortunately, today and tomorrow are big blogging days, so I won't be able to do so much. But I'm making progress, man. That's the main thing. I've been practicing the opening riff to AC/DC's Back in Black.

Lunch? Egg sandwich. Crisps. Yoghurt. Coke. Are you happy now? / What are YOU(!) having? Eh? I don't actually want to know because I respect your privacy, yeah?

No. 259? Later. Laters ...

Bill Hwang has been banned from trading in Hong Kong for four years

I have a bad, bad feeling that my baby don't live here no more. That's all right, I still got my guitar. Look out now! - Jimi Hendrix, Red House
 

 Er ... / Bill "Tiger" Hwang or Hwang "Bill" Tiger or Tiger "Hwang" - 'What are you doing, boss? It's Bill Hwang, man, from Tiger Asia Management. He was the founder.' Oh, thank God you're back, Voice! I've missed you. I can't do this by myself. 'I was only gone for the weekend.' How are your parents? 'They're fine.' Still dead? 'What do you think?' Well, that's the astral plane for you, man. It is what it is. No one's gonna change it. 'What about this Bill, Mikey?' Yeah, he's been banned for four years, in Hong Kong. Although he's based in New York, I think. 'Forty-four years?!' FOR ... FOUR years. 'Oh right, yeah. What for, man?' Insider trading. 'He'll have to trade somewhere else now, like, er, New York.' Yeah, well, Tiger Asia has been turned into a family office, Archegos Capital Management. 'That old trick.' There's no harm in it, Voice. Everyone's got to earn a living ...

It's so hard these days ... / The problem - as I see it - if you're trading in Hong Kong ... is the dogs and filing cabinets. I mean, the mild-mannered janitors and filing cabinets, yeah? 'What?! Dogs? Filing cabinets?' We've discussed this before, haven't we? 'I don't know.' I'm sure we have. / If you're getting up to trading "shenanigans" and your janitor is a dog who keeps disappearing into the office filing cabinet, there's a good chance he's working for the authorities. 'Oh. / So what's the solution, boss?' The solution is to only hire a human janitor. And get rid of all of your filing cabinets, too - just to be on the safe side.

That's my advice, anyway, to any readers in Hong Kong (or New York, or anywhere, really). If you do that you won't have to turn your hedge fund into a family office.

...

Cheese sandwich? Yes, I'm having a cheese sandwich for lunch. Have you got a problem with it, dear reader(s)?

After lunch ... I might go out, or I might stay in. / I played my guitar for four hours yesterday. 'Forty-four hours?!' Ignore him. I might do the same today.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I will, even if I do pop out for an hour or two. / The way to get ahead in any venture - just ask Tony Robbins - is to analyse what other people are doing. If they're brilliant, model yourself on them. Do what they do. And if they're someone you want to beat, do more than they do. / I've been reading about various famous guitarists who haven't bothered to learn scales and only practice when they feel like picking up the guitar for five minutes. But Hendrix used to play all day long, literally. And people wonder why he was so good. Natural talent is mostly bullshit.

Well, tune in tomorrow for more pearls of wisdom ...