Monday, 6 October 2014

Who on earth is Andy Pomfret?

Yeah, er ... / Who on earth is he, this Andy Pomfret? I'm not talking about the cosmos. 'Thank God for that, Mikey!' I'm not remotely interested in who Andy is when he's floating around the Milky Way like ... a cosmic fairy, as it were. That shit is personal, and I wouldn't pry. But on earth, on earth, man, in business ... that's a different matter.

Take it away, Voice ... 'Boss, I've looked into Andy, and I think you'll agree with me that he's an interesting character. His LinkedIn profile says he's an independent non-executive director.' What the hell does that mean?! 'It means he doesn't have a real job, as such.' Oh. ‘No, he just moves around from firm to firm offering his services as a ... well, a board director.' Oh. Oh dear. That's terrible! 'The latest firm is Old Mutual Wealth. They've taken him on as a non-executive director and put him in charge of the audit committee.' Ha! I suppose it keeps him off the streets, eh? 'Yeah. That's the way the Old Mutual crowd are looking at it.'

Well, well ... / It seems a strange way to live, but I won't judge Andy. 'Maybe this precarious lifestyle frees him up to focus on his cosmic activities, boss.' Yeah, we're not discussing that, Voice, are we? Every man is entitled to a private life. How would you like it if I told all my readers about your trips to the astral plane to visit your dead relatives? 'I've got nothing to hide, man. My folks are great people. Well, they were, once upon a time ...'


And in other news ... oh, other news ... I should be getting my guitar amplifier today. Yippee! 'Brilliant!' I can't wait. My fingers are itching to start rocking. 'Rockin' in the free world, man?' Obviously, man. We ain't in North Korea. Great Britain is still a reasonably free country ...

And, er ... another day, another lunch? Oh, I haven't been to the shop yet. Give me a chance, reader(s). It'll probably be a cheese sandwich. I mean, I only have cheese or egg sandwiches, don't I? And I don't fancy egg today. So ... 'That just leaves cheese, boss.' Yes. Cheese. I'm not complaining.