Thursday, 4 June 2015

Nick Ring is at Jupiter now!

[September! Wait until September!] Unbelievable! Do you remember this, dear reader(s)? -

Who is this Nick Ring anyway? What right does he have to go around telling people he's the head of distribution? 'Who has he told, man?' Well, he told me last night, in a dream. Why do you think I'm writing this? 'I don't know.' The first thing I did when I woke up was to go on the internet because I knew damn well that Campbell Fleming was the head of distribution. I mean, it says so on his LinkedIn profile. 'Oh, okay. What else does it say?' It says he likes freeze-dried food. 'What?! That's crazy!' Don't shoot the messenger, Voice.

Do you remember, eh? ['Yeah.' Not you.] That was when our Nick became head of distribution at Threadneedle, apparently. I mean, according to him. 'Er ... it's Columbia Threadneedle, boss.' What?! 'The firm has a new name, man. Columbia Threadneedle.' Eh? Why, Voice?! 'Merger. / "The creation of the new organisation, which will be called Columbia Threadneedle Investments, is intended to reinforce the firms' established markets in the UK, Europe and the US, and allow the group to grow its presence in Asia Pacific, Latin America and the Middle East." Exciting stuff!' Yeah, I suppose. / Anyway, our Nick, he's got a new idea in his head. He's going around telling anyone who will listen that he's the global head of distribution at Jupiter now. 'Ha!' He reckons he's going to deliver some growth in AUM, which anyone can do. Look at Man Group, man! You just have to buy a few firms and AUM increases, you dig? 'Yeah. / Mikey, I'm looking at Mr Ring's LinkedIn profile. It says he's still the head of distribution at Threadneedle.' Well, that's a joke, ain't it? He hasn't updated it, then. 'No.' And ... has he got a problem with the firm being called Columbia Threadneedle? 'It's classic passive aggressive behaviour, boss.' Yes, it is! Christ! I'm coming to the conclusion that we have a genuine lunatic on our hands.

Oh, I'll be dealing with Mr Ring later, reader(s). 'No. 322?' Of course! What else?


Er, uh ... music? I'm listening to David Bowie's Hunky Dory. His first great album. The first of ten ... in a row, not including Pin Ups. '1971 to 1980, Mikey?' Yes, Voice. Unbeatable shit! / My music? 'Your music!' Oh, you know what? I haven't written a song since February last year, Gilly, Gilly. 'Dear oh dear.' Shut up! I'm not bothered about it, man. My main concern lately has been improving my guitar playing. There's no point in writing songs if you can't play them properly. 'Lionel Bart couldn't play at all.' I don't want to be like that. / Soon, real soon, my demo will be done and I'll be able to get back to writing. And one day, one day, I'll be away from this blog [believe it] and I'll be able to put all my energy and creativity into songs.

Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich. I'm starving!