Thursday, 4 February 2016

Orange Capital is closing

Yes, Orange Capital is closing, reader(s), over in New York*, after ten years. 'Tangerine Nightmare, boss?' No. Orange Capital. Open your ears. 'I ain't got no ears, man. At least, not physical ears.' Shut up! I'm not in the mood, Voice.

Orange Capital, LLC is an alternative asset manager serving global institutional clients. The firm manages a concentrated portfolio of securities with minimal use of leverage. By focusing on event-driven opportunities, Orange Capital aims to generate superior returns that are idiosyncratic and uncorrelated to the overall markets.

The way it was. The way they were. / Well, it's a bad time for all hedge funds. Lack of liquidity, ain't it? Orange Capital will be returning $1 billion to investors. I'm sure Danny and Russell will be all right. 'Who?!' The founders, man, the founders! Don't you know this shit? You're my intern. 'Intern? Ha! / I still haven't been paid, reader(s).' Christ! When I get some money, Voice, you'll get some. Now leave it alone! Please!

*Obviously, if you're reading this in New York, it won't be over anywhere, because you and the hedge fund are both in New York. Just use your common sense, yeah? I shouldn't have to explain every single fucking thing in my blog.


Anything else? Music? I'm listening to The Jesus and Mary Chain, Automatic. 'I've seen that album cover somewhere before.' Of course you have, man. Bowie ripped it off for his Blackstar.

Er ... music? My music? I've decided to rewrite my old song, My Heart. I'm going to change the lyrics a bit and add a whole new verse. It'll be a bigger song then. It needs to be a bigger song, you dig?

Well, well ... / The Jesus and Mary Chain? Oh, they should have been massive. I read somewhere their record company was expecting them to be like U2. But it never happened. Maybe they didn't want it. The Reid brothers aren't the sort who play the game, if you know what I mean. / By the way, my maths teacher at school said he went to their early concerts. You know, the ones with the riots? I always thought that was a bit strange.