Thursday, 2 August 2018

People are investing in wonky fruit and veg now

For some reason. I don't know what's going on. I'm a vegetarian, but I like normal fruit and veg, you dig? Not wonky. Christ! Never mind. It's a funny old world ... 'Are you making this up, boss?' Oh, hello! No, I'm not, Voice. It's a PR email. Look! -

London, United Kingdom - Oddbox, London's biggest independent wonky fruit and veg box scheme, reached its crowdfunding target in record time to enable it to expand its unique service to even more customers. It initially hoped to raise £350,000 but investors saw the huge potential offered by the business and it over-funded to a tune of £520,000.

You see, Voice, reader(s)? 'Strange.' Yeah. Bendy bananas. It's the will of the people, son. 'Is it?!' Bendy bananas are worth destroying a nation for, believe me.

The purpose-driven business has captured people's imagination by offering a quality, sustainably-sourced product which is conveniently delivered to your door at a great price. Oddbox's weekly boxes are filled with delicious wonky and surplus fruit and veg that have been rescued from farms and would otherwise have been wasted. It pays farmers a fair price for their produce and donates up to 10% to tackle food poverty by partnering with charities like City Harvest.

Well, okay. I suppose it makes sense in these austere times. Actually, after Brexit, I imagine everyone will be eating wonky food. 'Chickens from America, boss, washed in lovely chlorine!' Ha! Well, I won't be touching those, man! FFS!

Anyway, let's hear from our Emilie ...

Emilie Vanpoperinghe, Oddbox co-founder explains: "We are incredibly humbled to have exceeded our investment target in such a short space of time. The support we have had from customers and investors has been phenomenal and we can't thank them enough. We believe wholeheartedly in our wonky fruit and veg scheme and we're looking forward to bringing it to more people. We won't stop there though, our mission is to fundamentally shift food standards and eventually, normalize wonky produce and we need everyone to get involved. Come and join the wonky veg revolution with us!"

Ha! Well, I'm not sure I want to join them in their revolution, really. I'm, uh ... rather busy, at the moment, like. However, I wish them the best of luck with it.


Anything else, dear pop fan(s)? Music? Right. I'm confident my debut album will be the greatest album ever recorded. The greatest of all times!!! I've convinced myself, man. That should mean I'll be able to get up to arena status pretty quickly when touring. I'm thinking though, five such albums within ten years could get me up to stadium status - which has got to be my ultimate goal. I mean, I don't want to be some middle-aged guy going up and down the motorway in a van two hundred times a year playing small gigs in pubs and clubs. I'm sorry, but I couldn't cope with the heartache of it all. Do you know what I mean?