Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Stock markets in chaos!

Just like old times! The first thing you need to know, dear reader(s), is that I'm listening to Bob Marley, Catch a Fire, because I feel like it, you dig? 'Boss, the second thing they need to know is that the Dow -' Christ! Voice, I'm sure they know all about that now. 'You think?' Man, these guys are professionals. 'Oh, okay.' But let's go straight to Josh Saul from The Pure Gold Company (PR email this morning) -

Josh Saul, chief executive of the gold investment firm, said: "The Dow Jones' dramatic and historic fall of 4% on Monday has panicked financially savvy investors. One purchaser said the stock market rout led to a 4.8% decline in his equity portfolio, losing him more than £250,000 over two days of trading. He has purchased physical gold rather than buying shares in gold because of fears of counter-party risk, something that physical gold is far better at defending against. Our clients are generally not motivated by immediate profit, they are looking for protection for their wealth in the event of a global market decline. The more people seek protection in physical gold, the more valuable that protection becomes. The gold price increasing almost 2% since Friday is a good example of this."

Right. Thanks, Josh. I actually think Concrete Jungle is my favourite Bob Marley song. 'Yeah, great, boss. Are you buying gold?' I love that guitar solo! Simple, but awesome, with great feeling. 'Boss, are you buying gold?!' Me? No, I'm not buying gold. 'Are you buying Bitcoin then?' Be serious. FFS! 'Baked beans?' I've got a whole backroom downstairs full of cases of baked beans. So, no, I won't be buying baked beans. I'm just going to hoard Mikeycoins. 'Ha! Mainly because no one else wants them.' Yeah, right. I don't give a toss. It's their funeral, man. They'll be sorry.

Okay, uh ... 'Will you be doing updates during the day, boss?' Eh? On what?! 'The chaos in the markets.' No. 'Oh. But your readers ...’ My readers? I'm not a fucking newswire, son. After this post, I'm going to be playing my guitar for the rest of the day.

Man, I’m not moving forward with this album at all. I keep going back to Concrete Jungle. 'You really like that song, don't you?' Yeah, I do. Big time.


Okay, okay. Anything else? Well, what more do you want, exactly? You've already heard the biggest news about the Dow Jones, reader(s), which, to be honest, you should know already. I mean ... do you know what I mean? FFS!

Er ... I'm having a cheese sandwich for lunch. Crisps. A yoghurt. 'Oh, you used to talk about your lunch all the time, Mikey. Why don't you do that no more?' I just did, idiot!

I can't get the staff.

Ah, that's it. Laters.