Oh, what does it launch now?! 'Tell us, boss!' All right, Voice, if you insist ...
BOSTON, LONDON and SILICON VALLEY, July 21, 2021 - State Street Corporation announced today that it has entered into an agreement to acquire Mercatus, Inc., a premier front-and-middle-office solutions and data management provider for private market managers. The transaction is expected to be completed in September subject to customary closing conditions. Financial terms are not being disclosed.
Ha! Today? It announced last week, actually. I wish they would be more accurate. 'Boss.' What? 'Why aren't financial terms being disclosed?' How the hell should I know?! Don't worry about it, idiot.
Anyway ...
In connection with the acquisition, the company will launch its State Street AlphaSM for Private Markets solution which will allow institutional investors to fully manage the entire lifecycle of their infrastructure, private equity, real estate, private debt and fund of funds investments through a fully integrated, digital front-to-back, single platform. This includes the ability to provide whole portfolio exposure to managers investing in both public and private markets.
Okay, okay. Sounds ... exciting, don't it? 'What does Spiros say?' Who?! Who the fuc - 'Spiros Giannaros, president and chief executive officer of Charles River Development.' Oh, him.
"Investors in private markets have historically struggled with inefficient and manual processes because existing solutions are too fragmented and rigid to meet their changing investment requirements," says Spiros Giannaros, president and chief executive officer of Charles River Development, a State Street Company. "Mercatus's focus and solution for private markets augments Charles River's market leading platform for public markets, enabling us to support clients across the full spectrum of their investment needs."
That's what Spiros says. Are you happy now, Voice? 'No.' Why not? 'I prefer the old days ... you know, when you would put words in their mouth.' Uh, Christ. I haven't got the energy for that these days.
Haresh? Come on, mate!
"Investors in both public and private markets are realizing the risk and inefficiencies created across their bespoke front, middle, and back office solutions," says Haresh Patel, chief executive officer of Mercatus. "That's why a lot of them are starting to reject the world of finance and spend most of their time in the local park eating ice cream."
'Ha! Just like Aviva Investors, boss!' Yes, Voice. 'Did Haresh really say that?' What do you think? Idiot!
Anyway, let's finish with our Paul ...
"Institutional investors are turning to the private markets as the hunt for alpha intensifies," says Paul Fleming, executive vice president and global head of State Street's Alternatives Segment. "Expanding our alternative offerings will help us meet the multifaceted needs of these investors and provide our clients with even more solutions."
Well ... 'I can believe that!' Yeah, yeah.
Don't believe everything you read.
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
...
Anything else? Music?
Don't ask me about music. The only good thing I can say is ... I only played my guitar for two hours last week AND ... it hasn't affected my playing one bit, man. I mean, I haven't lost my groove or whatever. / I remember that seventeen-week period in 2014 when I played the guitar for over twenty hours a week and still sounded like shit at the end of it.
Years, years, years. You need years. Unless you find yourself in a Hamburg situation, like The Beatles. They were more or less forced to play eight hours a day, er ... eight days a week. 'It was a hard day's night for them, boss.' Yes, it was, Voice. Well said!
Laters.
