Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Merchants' Gate Capital is closing

Yes, another hedge fund has bitten the dust. This one, in America, New York, was founded by Jason Capello. (Co-founded by Gunner Winston, by the way.) / You have to be an insane optimist to launch a new hedge fund these days. What's gone wrong, man? 'I blame you, boss.' Why? 'Everyone knows you're into rock and roll now. You've turned your back on financial shamanism. But the industry needs you.' Well, Voice, it's about time they stood on their own two feet, ain't it? I can't wet nurse these people. And I've got to be selfish. I've got to think of myself for a change. I've given more than enough to finance - my soul, basically. And what have I got to show for it? Nothing! 'The love of financiers worldwide ain't nothing, Mikey.' You can't live on love, son.

Oh, look at this (from LinkedIn) - Merchants' Gate Capital seeks to generate long term returns through concentrated, high conviction investments in industries that are not susceptible to rapid or unpredictable change, including energy, industrials, transportation, consumer and business services. These industries allow us to satisfy the depth of our research requirements in a consistent and repeatable fashion, providing us with the checks and balances required to identify what we believe are the most compelling risk-adjusted investments. Our concentrated long positions are modelled over a multi-year time horizon and tend to be in high quality franchises led by strong management teams that can create value over time through secular industry growth and market share gain.

Not one mention of financial shamanism! 'That doesn't mean anything. You know how some of these hedgies are. They don't want investors thinking they're kooks. I bet Jason and Gunner were in the desert all the time, in the old days.' Yeah? Well, I never saw them.

Let's face it, the finance world doesn't need me any more. But consider the world of pop and rock! That's where I've got to be. 'Like Jim Morrison!' Yeah, Miami. You're all a bunch of fucking slaves!!! Shamanic dancing! Mayhem! ('Riot!' You're not Billy Idol, Voice. 'Where's the guy with the penis?' And you're not an outraged cop neither. 'I've been watching too many films!' We both have.) We should see the gates by morning!


Music? What do you think, dear reader(s)? The Doors, of course. Not to Touch the Earth.

I am the Lizard King. I can do anything!