Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Who on earth is Jonathan Ruffer?!

Obviously, er ... we don't need to know who he is. But I'm just asking, for a laugh, like ... Who on earth is Jonathan Ruffer?!?! 'Jonathan Fluffer, boss? Never heard of him.' Ruffer. 'Eh?' It's Ruffer, Voice. 'What is?' That's his name. They call him Jonathan Ruffer. 'Oh. / Who is he, then?' It doesn't really matter, man. But, you know, just for a laugh, I can tell my dear reader(s) that Jon is the boss of Ruffer, a hedge fund in Mayfair - of all places. 'What a surprise! What's wrong with the White City estate?' And see if you can dig this, son: this year, he paid someone in his hedge fund £18 million. 'Ha! Let me guess, Mikey. He paid himself £18 million, yeah?' Probably, Voice. No one knows for sure though. I think it's supposed to be a secret. 'These people love their secrets, don't they?' Well, it's a secretive business.

I was reading in The Mirror yesterday that hedge fund pirates are going to donate £50 million to the Conservative Party soon, in time for the election next year. 'Pirates?' Yeah. However, who these pirates are, no one knows. That's a secret, too. 'Pirates, boss?!' Like Radio Caroline, I suppose, Voice. Not parrots and stuff. 'Out at sea?!' Maybe. Oh, I don't know how they work it.

Politics? Christ. Personally, I've given up worrying. (Well, I'm trying to ...) The world is one big sewer, man. The best you can do, dear reader(s), is find a comfortable spot in the sewer and hope that no one bothers you. / When I'm living in Malibu, a few years from now, I won't give a toss about anything. That's my dream. Cut off from reality. Living the dream, you dig? Really living it.


Lunch? I've got my favourite sandwich of all times, the £1 cheese and tomato one from Morrisons. Great taste, great value.

After lunch? 'No. 279!' Yeah, I'll be taking Jon for a spin. 'You should spin him so hard that the money falls out of his pockets!' I doubt he's got the £18 million in notes and coins, Voice.

Music? I was listening to Amy (again). What now? Er ... Nirvana, In Utero.